Settling down has really never been an option. Nor has giving up, compromizing or giving up my integrity or standards. It might not have always seemed that way, but that’s where I am today. I’m not talking about anything specific or referring to something in particular, I’m talking about life itself. I’ve come way far from the rock bottom I’ve talked about in some previous posts, but there’s one issue which is basically on top of my list to try to be self therapeutic about and get rid of. That is, the feeling of never being satisfied with what I have or actually living in the present.
I’ve accomplished amazing things this past year. This post isn’t for details nor bragging, so I’ll leave that out. But I’ve basically achieved more goals than I could ever imagine, gone further than I ever thought was possible within such a short time span and should be genuinely happy. But I am not happy. I am not satisfied. These accomplishments I’ve made might look quite astounding and somewhat superhuman to an outsider, but as soon as I’ve accomplished something I kind of put it aside and think “well, that wasn’t so hard, anyone could do that” and not really realizing myself that NOT anyone can or has done what I have. I never enjoy the present. I constantly plan and imagine what life will be like in 6 months time or a year from now or when I’ve done this or that. I also know that in my current state, once I’ve reached these new goals, I’ll just brush it off like the previous accomplishments achieved and already have my mind set on what’s coming up next.
THAT is what I need to change. I need to learn to live in the present. I need to appreciate what I have achieved. I need to learn that things take time and more importantly, allow things to take time. Most important of all, I need to learn how to love myself to the fullest. They say you cannot love others if you don’t love yourself first. That’s somewhat untrue as I do love a lot of people, but for example when it comes to finding that special someone in your life it’s quite accurate. So, please dear readers, love yourselves as much as I already love you and maybe in time I’ll realize I’m quite lovable too.