Blog posts

[:en]Nothing’s truly black or white[:sv]Världen är inte svartvit[:]

[:en]Nothing’s truly black or white[:sv]Världen är inte svartvit[:]

Fashion, Life itself November 2, 2016

[:en]Black and white might be great for pictures, but as for everything else going on in life, you shouldn’t categorize stuff in either or nor neither nor. There are far too many aspects to take into account whether it be regarding a person, a matter you’re dealing with or why not regarding who you’re voting for (hint, hint all my US friends)  for you to be able to simply blurt out “I don’t like him/her/that”. Before actually deciding on matters in your life you NEED to have your background checks done as well as your history books read through thoroughly to have your facts straight!

Why do I stress this so much? Well, to be honest, I’m quite narrow minded. And I do need to emphasize that I’ve really been trying to widen my horizon quite a bit, but I can still be quite judgemental. That’s by no means anything I’m proud of, but that’s a work in progress and I’m getting better and better at it too. It’s not like I will ever be that stoned hippie who loves everyone and everything out there, but my acceptance will be greater and with that I will be a greater person.

I admit I’ve condemned a lot of things and people in the past and quickly removed them from my inner circle of friends and things I enjoy doing if they weren’t “suitable” for a specific lifestyle or social status. I’m still very aware of what I do and who I engage with, but as to superficial and even artificial attributes such as social status, I’ve given it up completely. Or no, I haven’t given it up, but before I decide if I like or dislike something I do a thorough background check which isn’t as bureaucratic as it sounds. It basically is as easy as asking myself the question “is this relationship something that benefits us both?”. If the answer to that is yes, no matter what the benefit, I usually stick to my gut instinct and find out more about the person until proven wrong. If the answer is no, then why waste both of our time doing something we apparently won’t benefit on whether it being on a personal or a professional level?

So what am I actually saying here? That I’m an arrogant and narrow minded little twat? Well, I can say I was something close to that in the past, but I’m not one anymore. My journey in life has taken me into a place where I’m actually humble, loving and a person who welcomes new friendships with open arms. So if you feel like getting to know me better, keep reading my blog or why not write me a nice little letter! (If someone sends me a hand written letter I’ll marry you, whoever you are, as I LOVE letters!)

thomas-11thomas-10[:sv]Svartvitt må vara snyggt på bilder, men världen runtomkring oss är allt annat än svart eller vit. Det finns inga definitiva ‘ja’ eller ‘nej’. För att kunna ge definitiva svar på något så måste man helt enkelt ha koll på fakta. All fakta. Detta gäller allt i livet. Val du står inför, människor du träffar och aktiviteter du deltar i. Har du inte tillräckligt med kunskap om något, hur kan du då tacka nej till det eller rentav säga att du hatar det? Hata är för övrigt ett ord som efter de åsiktsfasta tonåren inte borde brukas av mentalt kapabla vuxna då hat egentligen bara är ett uttryck för rädsla för något man inte har tillräckligt kunskap om. Låt er inte luras, visst finns det saker jag ogillar, vissa till en extrem grad, men det är inte utan att jag först tillskansat mig den kunskap det krävs för att kunna fatta beslutet om att inte tycka om något eller någon. Detsamma gäller val du gör i livet. Se bara på Brexit. Dagen efter googlade britterna som galningar på vad det innebar att de röstat för utträde ur EU. Med rätt kunskap hade de kanske kunnat fatta ett beslut som grundat sig på rationella val och inte känslomässiga sådana. Detsamma gäller mig när jag träffar människor. Jag fattar mina beslut på kunskap och en del magkänsla.

Ju äldre jag blir, desto mer inser jag att det finns nyanser och skillnader i allt, oavsett om det handlar om människor eller aktiviteter eller händelser eller vad som. Jag är mycket medveten om mitt yngre förflutna där jag rakt ut sagt var en mycket fördömande och nästan cynisk människa. Passade du inte in i ett visst socialt mönster eller var inte aktiviteten av högre social status, så ratades den eller det illa kvickt och fick inte plats i mitt liv. Jag säger inte att jag kommer att ändras i den höga grad att jag kommer att älska allt och alla. Det skulle vara långt ifrån sanningen. Däremot har jag lärt mig att vara öppen för nya intryck samt att vara ödmjuk inför olikheter, som i långa loppet kan vara rentav berikande i en vänskap eller någon annan kontext.

Omtänksam, kärleksfull och snäll. De är ord med vilka jag numera beskriver mig själv som mitt högmod hade hindrat mig från att skriva bara ett fåtal år sedan, men nu skriver jag dem med all ärlighet. Kom ihåg att det finns mer än yta och skrapar man på den kan man under den finna de mest underbara ting! Så låt inte era fördomar hindra er från att förverkliga er själva och gå miste om både underbara personer och upplevelser!

thomas-11 thomas-10[:]

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77 Comments

  1. Natalia K
    November 2, 2016 at 1:06 pm

    What a heartfelt post Thomas you sound like a lovely guy with great fashion sense!!

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:41 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words, Natalia! 🙂

  2. Stephanie
    November 2, 2016 at 3:29 pm

    Oh my goodness I will never stop saying how much I love that you’re so open on your blog. I feel like we are best of friends even though I’ve only recently begun reading along and we’ve never met in person. Now I want to write you a letter because I’m the same way – I LOVE when people write handwritten notes to me. It’s so meaningful. Love these shots too – the black and white is so cool!

    Stephanie // SheSawStyle.com

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:42 pm

      Haha, well, someday soon we will meet in person too sweetie, especially if you’re going to write me a letter. 🙂
      xoxo
      Thomas

  3. Christine Kong
    November 2, 2016 at 3:57 pm

    Totally spot on! I used to be so black and white too in my thinking, but I definitely have changed my views completely since having kids. Now I think twice before I get all judgy and try to see things from someone else’s perspective. Nothing is black and white like you said, and when you take a moment to realize that, life becomes much better. =) xoxo, Christine
    http://dailykongfidence.com/

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:43 pm

      I’m glad you’ve also changed your perspective on life after having kids! Sometimes it takes a big change in life to actually be able to do that.
      xoxo
      Thomas

  4. Jo
    November 2, 2016 at 4:10 pm

    You have no idea how much I enjoy reading each and every post of yours since I discovered your blog. I am definitely a person who used to think world is pretty much black and white, this actually caused some issues in my life. I actually just had a conversation with a dear friend of mine in regards to this topic. I know I need to change my opinion about the world as there are so many beautiful people and things in this world.

    Thanks for sharing your thoughts as always.

    xo,
    Jo
    http://www.glamfashoinbook.com

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:44 pm

      Thank you so much for you love and support, Jo! That means the world to me and I’m so glad we’ve got to be friends through all of this. 🙂
      xoxo
      Thomas

  5. Daniel
    November 2, 2016 at 4:37 pm

    Love these pictures! You look great!

    Daniel x

    The Daniel Originals | Instagram: danielpoonvignez

    New Post: 2 Ways To Style Denim Jacket This Fall

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:45 pm

      Thanks a lot, Daniel! 🙂
      xx,
      Thomas

  6. gracie
    November 2, 2016 at 4:58 pm

    Such an open and honest post. I love it ! We all go through phases in our lives where we get caught up in the superficial things & can become quite judgmental. But recognizing when it is getting in the way of being happy is so empowering. Life is short so you have to try and let positive people & things surround you so snaps to you for changing your journey ! Can’t wait to keep up and see what happens next !
    xx, gracie
    snappedbygracie.com

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:45 pm

      I’m so glad you’re with me on this journey and you comments sure as heck keep me going! Thanks Gracie dear!
      xoxo
      Thomas

  7. Darlene
    November 2, 2016 at 6:28 pm

    We should start a snail mail group where we send each other letters! How I miss the days in grade school when I used to get letters from my pen pal all over the world. Love the open-ness of your blog! hahaha 6 more days to find out who’s going to be the president of the US. oohooohhh

    x
    Darlene

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:46 pm

      I’m totally in!!! I had penpals in Australia, China and Argentina and that was so cool back in the days. And yeah, the though of who’s probably going to win is scaring the shit out of me to be honest.
      xoxo
      Thomas

  8. Sharon Wu
    November 2, 2016 at 7:45 pm

    Omg we could be pen pals! LOL! Maybe I’ll send you something in the mail one of these days Thomas 😉 after all you’re my fave GBF <3 I still snail mail a friend here and there but she only lives 2 hours away and sometimes I suck at replying in a timely manner…. LOL. I totally agree that life in general shouldn't be seen as black and white, though my boyfriend does tell me that I'm often narrow minded as well… oops. Haha! Guess I'll be working on that. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! xo, sharon

    http://www.stylelullaby.com/fashion/shopbop-surprise-sale/

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:47 pm

      Hun, we already communicate through like 5 different channels each and every day so to be honest, I’d love a letter from you, but don’t expect one in return until like I’m retired, haha. Thanks for all your love and support!

      xoxo
      Thomas

  9. Edith
    November 2, 2016 at 8:01 pm

    Wonderful words. There are different shades of black. Your black fascinates me! 🙂

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:48 pm

      Tack snälla Edith! 🙂 Stor kram!

  10. Kelly & Alex
    November 2, 2016 at 11:32 pm

    Love all of your heartfelt posts! We agree not everything should be black and white although sometimes for us it feels that way.

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:50 pm

      Thank you so much girls! 🙂

  11. diana
    November 3, 2016 at 12:18 am

    Snail mail sounds so fun. Love reading your post. BTW, black and white photos are always fun

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:50 pm

      I know right, wanna join the snail mail group? Haha. 🙂

  12. Jo
    November 3, 2016 at 2:01 am

    Love your honesty, Thomas! Great post!

    xo, Jo
    http://www.cutandchic.com

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:51 pm

      Thank you so much, Jo! 🙂
      xoxo
      Thomas

  13. Jenn Hanft
    November 3, 2016 at 2:14 am

    I love how open you are!! This was such a great reminder. I actually used to be the same exact way – a little too narrow minded for my own good and it really led a wake of lost friendships down the road to certain things. I truly believe that every relationship needs to be a two way street for it to work. There has to be effort on both sides to give it purpose. Thank you so much for sharing this!! I’ve come such a long way too and I’m so glad that I can relate to others who have been through the same things (and vice versa). I would looove to write you a letter! Snail mail is dead, which makes me so sad. I actually have a penpal in Australia!!! It’s so lovely to connect to people through the time and effort in personally writing a letter as opposed to a quick shoot of an email. More people should write letters.

    XO Jenn
    http://www.jennsemble.com

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:52 pm

      Thank you so much for you kind comment and your love! And such a coincidence. I also had a pen pal in Australia when I was a kid, but I can’t even remember her name anymore and the letters are long gone. Otherwise I would have looked her up on Facebook and got in touch again. What I do instead of writing letters though is that wherever I travel I send post cards to my loved ones. 🙂
      xoxo
      Thomas

  14. Gina Diaz
    November 3, 2016 at 2:57 am

    Great Post and awesome pictures Thomas!. Definitely true that life should not be seen in only bnw terms. A little note 🙂 When is your birthday!?!?
    Sending a big hug, Xx, Gina

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:53 pm

      Haha, you’re seriously the cutest Gina!! It’s February 13th… 🙂 Haha.
      Loves you,
      Thomas

  15. gigi
    November 3, 2016 at 3:24 am

    I think it takes a lot of courage to admit that! We are all close minded in our lives, either at some point in time or for some reason. But once you admit it and grow from it?! That’s the best progress. PS i’ll totally write you a letter! xx

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:54 pm

      Aww, I love that I’m getting a letter some day soon 😀 Haha. And thank you for your kind words!
      xoxo
      Thomas

  16. Miki
    November 3, 2016 at 4:09 am

    Great post. I love the black and white photos!
    It’s amazing how we grow, isn’t it? I used to be a lot like that as well – very selective with the people I surround myself with. Sometimes it’s hard to give all your time and energy to people when they don’t reciprocate, and that’s ok, but with time, I’ve also learned to understand a lot better that people have things happening that I don’t get or know about.

    Xo,
    Miki
    http://mikialamode.com

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 3:57 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words! And it’s quite amazing how we can keep growing throughout life and through our experiences. 🙂
      xoxo
      Thomas

  17. Lily Rose
    November 3, 2016 at 4:33 am

    You always have the most insightful post. I totally agree, nothing is truly black or white. (Gosh, I do not like anyone who is running for president right now though lol). Hope you have a lovely rest of the week!

    -Lily from With Love Lily Rose

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:01 pm

      Thank you so much for your kind words, Lily! 🙂 Haha, and you don’t have to like EVERYone, nor do I, but it’s good to broaden your perspective a bit. 🙂
      xoxo
      Thomas

  18. jasna
    November 3, 2016 at 11:11 am

    Totally agree with what you said, you are so open, its great! you have a new fan 😉 xx

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:01 pm

      Aww thank you so much, Jasna! 🙂
      xoxo
      Thomas

  19. Danielle
    November 4, 2016 at 1:44 am

    So happy to have been connected to you blog! First off, we are long lost souls because there is nothing I love more than a handwritten letter! It’s so admirable that you’ve chosen to be completely candid about your past and the person you’re striving to be. Can’t wait to keep reading babe!

    Xx Danielle | Pineapple & Prosecco

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:02 pm

      I’m so happy to have found yours as well! 🙂 And I agree, we’re long lost souls and maybe letters will get us connected again, haha.
      Love,
      Thomas

  20. Atsuna Matsui
    November 4, 2016 at 2:18 am

    I love how you’re always so real and honest in your post! 🙂 I’m definitely very selective when it comes to who I let in on my inner circle, but as I’ve been getting more acquainted in the blogging community, I’ve also learned to share and build connection with people whom I have a common interest with as well. I love how I learn so much from you guys and how inspiring you guys can be.

    xoxo
    http://www.atsunamatsui.com

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:06 pm

      Thank you so much for for you kind comments, Atsuna! 🙂 And it’s so true, I’ve learned so much from reading everyone’s posts and it’s so rewarding! 🙂

      xoxo
      Thomas

  21. Deddeh Howard
    November 4, 2016 at 2:20 am

    This is one beautiful post. Firstly, the images are amazing. I totally agree with you, we should all see life as life instead of black and white.

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:09 pm

      Thank you so much Deddeh! You kind comments make me so happy! 🙂

  22. Yuena Li
    November 4, 2016 at 3:14 am

    Love the candid post. Thank you for sharing a piece of you.

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:09 pm

      Thank you so much, Yuena! 🙂

  23. Michelle Sun
    November 4, 2016 at 4:53 am

    I definitely agree that I’m picky with who I spend my time with as well! Of course, it takes a while to actually see the true colors in every person but I appreciate your honesty! I’m on the same boat as you when it comes to opening new friendships with open arms all the while being cautious with who you spend your time with 🙂

    – Michelle Sun
    @missmisschelle
    http://www.missmisschelle.com

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:10 pm

      You’re very correct on that matter, it takes time to get to learn a person for real! But I try to keep an open mind (and arms) 🙂
      xoxo
      Thomas

  24. Linh Dao
    November 4, 2016 at 5:59 am

    I feel the same way too Thomas! I used to be black and white as well until I discovered sometimes it is okay to be in the grey! But it drives me nuts! I wish you were in the US so we all can just go hang out and chat our lives Away!! And also I’m a sucker for love letters! ?? this post makes me want to write to you haha

    Love, Linh
    http://xcapewithlinh.com/im-so-into-you/

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:12 pm

      I’ll come over to the US just for you, haha 🙂 I’d love to hang out with you sweetie! 😀
      xoxo
      Thomas

  25. Bernice
    November 4, 2016 at 6:03 am

    There’s nothing wrong with being selective with who you surround yourself with 🙂 Our thoughts become actions, our actions become habits, and our thoughts are affected by those around us. How wiles would we have a good sense of self, and of mind if the people around us are toxic? Choose your health and happiness first!

    http://www.bunnybernice.com/single-post/2016/11/04/Love-comes-in-all-sizes

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:13 pm

      That’s so very true! Thank you for giving me more insight in something I’ve been processing a lot! 🙂
      xoxo
      Thomas

  26. Cierra
    November 4, 2016 at 8:09 am

    There is certainly a lot to learn about this topic.
    I like all of the points you’ve made.

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:13 pm

      Thank you for your kind feedback, Cierra! 🙂

  27. Kathryn
    November 4, 2016 at 7:13 pm

    I love hand written letters too 🙂 Thank you for being so open and forth coming in this post! It’s so refreshing to have someone say what’s really on their mind. I just started reading your blog but I feel like I already know you better than I do other bloggers!
    Xx, K
    http://www.jassamineelaine.com

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:14 pm

      Aww, likewise Kathryn, I’m so glad I’ve gotten to know you through this! 🙂
      xoxo
      Thomas

  28. Eric K
    November 4, 2016 at 9:54 pm

    Buddy, one of my fav bloggers. You are so right . It’s never black and white. i am truly thankful that you are being so open . You are the best

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:14 pm

      Aww, Eric, that’s so kind of you! I really appreciate your support! 😀

  29. Caprice Bianca
    November 5, 2016 at 12:09 am

    As I’ve said before in the past Thomas, I love your honesty and how you speak so candidly! I think it’s really admirable that you have recognized where you need to improve in your life and take steps to do so. Many people aren’t willing to recognize their flaws and make changes. You can teach a lot of people from your actions. Good for you!!

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:15 pm

      Caprice, you’re so very kind and I’m moved about all the nice feedback you’re giving me. Lots of hugs to you!
      Thomas

  30. Yasmin
    November 5, 2016 at 1:49 am

    Hi Thomas! Nice to meet you. Sounds like you’ve done a lot of soul searching. It’s always good to think about where you’ve been and where you’re going. And I think becoming a more open, humble person is a great direction! Looking forward to learning more about you through your blog 🙂

    xx Yasmin
    http://banglesandbungalows.com

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:15 pm

      Nice meeting you too, Yasmin! 🙂 And thank you for your kind comment! 🙂
      xoxo
      Thomas

  31. Jordan Chapman
    November 5, 2016 at 2:51 am

    I really empathize with this post! Nothing is how it seems at the surface and this post is so candid! Such a great read!

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:16 pm

      Thank you so much Jordan! 🙂

  32. Fe Samaia
    November 5, 2016 at 4:25 am

    Love how open and honest you are Thomas. I can totally see how much thought and love you put to each of your blog posts and it is refreshing and interesting to get to know more of who you are and what you believe.

    xoxo
    Fe
    http://www.fesamaia.com/10-basic-things-la-girls-do-during-fallwinter/

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:16 pm

      Thanks a lot Fe! Your feedback truly keeps me going and I’m glad we’ve gotten to know each other! 🙂
      xoxo
      Thomas

  33. Tania
    November 5, 2016 at 6:52 am

    You know, you are so right Thomas! As I get older I increasingly agree that nothing is black and white, especially in regards to politics. When I was younger I was so idealistic in what I believed but nowadays I hesitate to form strong opinions as I am always trying to understand the side of things.

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:17 pm

      I totally agree with you, Tania. As we get older, we DO get wiser, so it’s not just a saying to comfort us old people, haha.
      xoxo
      Thomas

  34. Candace
    November 6, 2016 at 4:02 am

    I’m another person that loves handwritten notes; they’re so much more personal. Nothing is definitely black and white. There’s always more to it than that. Definitely always stick to your gut. I find that works best 🙂

    http://www.thebeautybeau.com

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:18 pm

      So very true, Candace! And I’ll send you a letter sometime soon 🙂
      xoxo
      Thomas

  35. Aldora
    November 6, 2016 at 5:44 pm

    I simply love how you incorporate short yet meaningful messages into your fashion posts Thomas! You are spot on in this “I don’t like him / her / that” thingy. All of us do have preconceptions towards things and hence all these preconceptions tend to cloud our judgement.

    Really enjoyed reading your blog and hence am writing you a “love comment” here instead :p

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:19 pm

      Aww, thank you Aldora! That’s so kind of you! 🙂 Lots of love right back at you!
      xoxo
      Thomas

  36. Cece Lam
    November 7, 2016 at 12:40 am

    Aw Thomas thanks so much for sharing w us such deep thoughts. You’re amazing❤️❤️

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:19 pm

      Cece, you make me blush! Haha. Thank you! 🙂

  37. Adelina
    November 7, 2016 at 6:10 am

    I love how open you are!! I used to be all black or white until I got married and got to see my hubbys POV. Then it was like my whole world went blank and I thought to myself “have I been seeing things wrong? Have I been too harsh? Have I been wrong?” Of course the answer to this is no, but I went on a deep search for deep meanings. It’s a humbling experience and it’s one of the very best! I applaud you!! And I too love love letters!! Xox, Adelina
    http://www.thecharmingolive.com

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:20 pm

      Thank you so much for sharing your story with me, Adelina! A great change in our life is sometimes required in order to be able to understand others and not being so condemning.
      xoxo
      Thomas

  38. samira
    November 8, 2016 at 1:44 am

    great post thomas! love reading your posts always!

    xo, samira

    wwe.leathertolunch.com

    • thomasfalkenstedt.com
      November 9, 2016 at 4:20 pm

      Thank you so much, Samira! 🙂
      xoxo
      Thomas

  39. Katrina Fernandez
    November 10, 2016 at 6:51 am

    Very well said Thomas! I love reading your post, I can truly relate on this post but I don’t have to share it anymore cause its a long story. 🙂 Anyway, so happy I find your site.

    xoxo, Katrina

Comments are closed.