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[:en]How I survived alcoholism[:sv]Hur jag överlevde alkoholism[:]

[:en]How I survived alcoholism[:sv]Hur jag överlevde alkoholism[:]

Fashion, Life itself

[:en]When this spontaneous photo shoot had the theme James Dean I didn’t think I’d actually write a post like this, but I think the pictures (featuring my grandfather’s biker jacket from the 1950s) go well with what I’m about to share. Although I’m not at all ashamed about anything regarding this anymore, it’s the hardest and most personal post I’ve written.

This is my survival story, this is how I got my life back. This is about alcoholism. Alcoholism has been a taboo to talk about, just as mental health, so I thought I’d toss a bit of both into this post. This is to show that not all alcoholics are those homeless people we see on the park benches. Nevertheless, ending up on the streets or not, alcoholism leads to death and here is my story of how I survived in a somewhat chronological order.

When I was a teenager and in my early 20s I partied and had fun, just like everyone else. There was no excessive use of alcohol and life went on in a fast and fun pace, just like it should in that age. Within a few years I was studying journalism and got a job at a glossy magazine which covered luxury products, but most of all the celebrities and night life of Stockholm. Nightclubs became my natural environment and being a VIP was nothing special. There was (and still is) free alcohol as much as you want every day of the week when you work at a place like that. Events, premiers, parties, trips. It was the best time of my life. A bad day in my life would be when I didn’t come home with more than two goodie bags.

I was young and careless. However, on behalf of work (and personal pleasure) I soon ended up drinking every night at different events. This went on for a year or two, but then came the consequences. I had my first alcohol related anxiety attack while having lunch with my boss at the time. I didn’t know what it was so I went to the doctor and she prescribed me a medicine I didn’t know what it was, but it made me feel like I was in heaven again. What she gave me for a year and a half without telling me anything about how addicitive it was, was Valium. Diazepam if you prefer. All of a sudden she said I’d become hooked and just stopped my medication right there and then. Later on I’ve learned it can be lethal to just cut it off cold turkey like that. To prevent anxiety attacks I had to get back to alcohol again and now I was consuming more than what was normal. I still didn’t consider myself to have a drinking problem though as my life was perfect. Picture perfect to be honest. I had loads of money, a beautiful apartment and quite honestly, I was quite hot too.

Still not thinking much about the consequenses of my drinking, as I thought I had none, I began working with PR for fashion, beauty and (oh the irony) alcohol. This job didn’t differ from my previous one in any other way than the fact that there was even more alcohol whenever I wanted. Everything was still free. However some friends started confronting me about my drinking, but I thought they were just being silly (and duh, so boring) and unfriended them more or less.

The years went by and some incidents led to me realizing I actually had a problem. Yet I didn’t want to stop. So in order to be able to drink as much as I wanted I quit my fancy PR job before anyone would notice I had a problem (of course my colleagues had noticed it long before) and that’s where it began going downhill. For two years I spent LOADS of money on partying every day and when I didn’t go out, I sat home drinking whiskey or whatever whether it was 8 am in the morning, 2 pm in the afternoon or midnight. I had lost control of my drinking big time.

As I didn’t have a job anymore, my money only lasted a while longer and I eventually had to sell my beautiful apartment. As it was in one of the more exclusive areas of Stockholm I made great profit on the sale and hey, life was good again. I moved in with a friend who had the same drinking pattern as I (in other words, was an alcholic) and as both me nor that person had a job and both had loads of money, the drinking began really heavily now.

I have seen pictures of myself from that time, but I was so bloated I can’t even recognize myself. This is when I realized I was going to die from my alcohol consumtion and for some weird reason it was a too shameful reason to die of, so I made up the fact that I had terminal cancer. Actually believing my own lie it somehow even made it more justifiable for me (and the few people surrounding me) to drink as I would die from “cancer” anyway. I began seeking help and went to detox after detox at the hospital, spending a week or so there, just to come out and within half an hour having swept a whole bottle of vodka again. Nothing seemed to help.

This is when my dad who lived in the south of Sweden had had enough. He literally came to get me and to make a long story short, put me in a hospital as soon as we got there. I stayed in the hospital for 21 days and had epileptic seizures several times damaging basically every body part I have, not to speak of delirium tremens which is also a condition that in worst case leads to death. When I got out of the hospital I was still in such a bad shape I could not even walk around my dad’s house without leaning myself towards him. It was pure hell.

Gradually it got better however and I was ready to move back to Stockholm (in my opinion). I got a job at Drottningholm Castle and was looking forward to a fresh start. I was at that job for exactly one day as I as soon as the day was over, began drinking again. Alcohol is incredibly addictive and if you have no tools to fight it (nor the will), you’ll just end up where you were. That’s what happened this time too. I drank myself into hospital condition, spent some time at detox after detox. To make things worse, at this time I also got more devastating news. When I sold my appartment I had put every single thing I owned into a storage facility. I got the news that the facility had burned down and hence I didn’t own a single thing or item anymore. I had lost my job, I had lost my apartment, I had lost my friends, I had lost the trust of my family and now I even lost everything I owned.

I decided it was time for detox at the hospital again and this time I had some faith. I moved down to a small university town in Sweden called Lund where I first successfully did well studying political science, but it didn’t take long until I was back having 4 bottles of wine and a bottle of vodka (every day) as my best friends again. Detox, detox, detox. I’ve lost count how many times I’ve been through it.

By this time I hadn’t worked for 5 years. Miraculously I got a job (my current day job) and that made me stay somewhat sober. I met a guy who was the love of my life and I was his. As we had a long distance relationship it worked out in the beginning as we only met during weekends and holidays and in the beginning I could control my drinking, but as our relationship went on I could not hide my problem from him anymore. I do want to stress he was the love of my life, but my addicition led to me losing him. What’s worse, I don’t remember how, where or when we even broke up. That’s almost two years ago now, but there are times when my heart still hurts a bit and my eyes tear up from all the wonderful memories I have of him. I do owe him my life though. Hadn’t he broken up with me, I would not have stopped drinking. Like I told above, I had by this time already lost everything several times, but I had always been able to rebuild material things. It wasn’t until I lost something I couldn’t get back I needed to make a choice and I chose to live.

I went to my employer and asked him for help and together with him and my family I was sent to a rehabilition center with treatment for addicts. I spent five weeks there and continued in so called open rehab for a couple more months. That time was the most valuable time I’ve had. It really didn’t go through my addiction as much as why there was an addiction. I got to know myself more during those months than I had during my whole life so far.

From there began a struggle to get back to life. Thankfully my employer has been really understanding and supportive all along the way and gradually I got back to working full time again. Where were my parents during all this you might wonder. They have been there all the time, suffering a pain unimaginable to someone who doesn’t have a child themself. The thing is, you cannot help an addict, if the addict does not want to be helped and all they could do was to try to help me the times I actually did want to quit, without succeeding. It wasn’t until I got treatment I finally made it and now I’ve been sober for 17 months. I really don’t count the months as I value every day instead.

And to be quite honest, I value my life in a entirely different way nowadays. I don’t take anything for granted. Let’s face it, I was a spoiled brat who had no concept about the value of money, but having started from scratch and working my way up and having to buy everything from kitchen utensils to bed linen to furniture in general I actually know what things cost. Although being a long post, this left out most of the details that include both humiliation, near death experiences, things I thought I’d never do and what not. I remember them well and even though I don’t think about them all the time, they serve as good reminders of what might happen if I don’t stay sober.

Now I can finally say I’m in a good place in life. I have been sober for 17 months, but being sober doesn’t being boring. I attend parties and stay out till 4 am at times (although I really don’t find the wee hours of the morning that fun either anymore) and have more fun than I’ve ever had before. Besides, this time around I can be proud of my achievements as they are ALL based on my own achievements. I won’t list all the things I’ve achieved during the past 17 months, but it’s more than most people would even finish in a lifetime. This is not bragging, this is just saying there’s nothing that can stop me right now. All I need to do is stay sober. And for you thinking “I can’t hang out with him cause he’s sober and it might set him off if I drink” forget that. I don’t mind at all when people around me drink, actually I prefer when people do as I’m an extremely social person and after a glass or two others somewhat level with me.

I’m looking forward to a 2017 that will change my life entirely. I will return to fashion and PR but with all the insights I have from my experiences of all the years in the gutter. I might not have literally been homeless such as in living on the streets, but I have lost it all. I’ve built up my life and am building it even further and higher than ever before as we speak.

I am so thankful, grateful and happy, just to be alive. But I’m not only alive. I’m living my life to the fullest! As I’m posting this I’m at London Fashion Week and I have no intention to miss out on all the parties, quite the contrary. Besides I might be a bit more fresh than some who were out there drinking until 4 am the day before 🙂

If you really did read through all of this, thank you! If there is anyone out there who needs to talk or just vent something, send me an email and I’ll be more than happy to talk about what not. Obviously 8 years of addiction cannot be fit into a short post like this.

Photographer: Björn Stenmark[:sv]När den här spontana plåtningen med James Dean-tema kom på tal och jag snabbt plockade fram min morfars skinnpaj från 1950-talet (japp, stolt ägare av en sådan klenod) hade jag ingen tanke på att bilderna skulle komma att användas till just detta inlägg. När jag väl såg resultatet av plåtningen kände jag ändå att det är nu jag vill berätta om detta. Trots att alla i min närhet vet om det och jag inte själv skäms det minsta över något av det som hänt längre, så är det här det tuffaste och mest personliga inlägget jag skrivit till dags dato.

Det här är historien om hur jag överlevde, hur jag fick mitt liv tillbaka. Det här handlar om alkoholism. Alkoholism har länge varit en tabu, likaså mental hälsa, så jag tänkte att jag kunde kasta in lite av båda när jag ändå håller på. Jag skriver detta för att visa att alla alkoholister inte är de a-lagare vi ser på parkbänkarna eller utanför Bolaget. Oavsett om du hamnat på gatan eller bor i en paradvåning leder alkoholism till döden och det här är mitt försök att i någorlunda kronologisk ordning försöka förmedla min överlevnadshistoria till er.

Som tonåring och ung vuxen i 20-årsåldern festade jag och hade kul, precis som alla andra. Det fanns inget överdrivet alkoholbruk även om jag fortfarande minns vissa obehagliga fyllor från ungdomsåren. Livet gick fort och jag hade kul, precis som sig bör när man är ung. Jag läste lite strökurser på Stockholms Universitet innan jag äntligen hittade mitt kall och pluggade journalistik. Under min studietid fick jag jobb på exklusiva Stureplan Magazine (som på den tiden fanns som papperstidning) och hörde samman med För den som inte känner till handlar det om lyx, flärd och framförallt utelivet i Stockholm. Nattklubbar blev något av vardagsrum för mig och VIP vardagsmat. Gratis alkohol flödade (och flödar fortfarande) på dessa ställen, varje dag i veckan, speciellt som det delvis var mitt jobb att bevaka allt som händer på klubbarna. Event, premiärer, vernissage, butiksinvigningar, fester och resor. Som en ung 20-nånting levde jag livet och ser fortfarande tillbaka på denna tid som en av de lyckligaste i mitt liv. Det sämsta som kunde hända i mitt liv under den här perioden var att jag kom hem från en blöt kväll med endast två goodiebags. Jag var ung och vårdslös.

Hur som helst, både på grund av mitt jobb, men även min personliga tillfredsställelse ledde det snart till att jag festade varje dag på diverse event. Det här pågick i något år innan konsekvenserna smög sig på. Jag minns väl min första alkoholrelaterade ångestattack. Jag åt lunch med min dåvarande chef och plötsligt trodde jag helt enkelt att jag skulle dö. Jag hade ingen aning om vad som hade hänt, så jag gick till min husläkare. Hon skrev, utan att på något sätt förvarna eller berätta om hur beroendeframkallande det är, ut Stesolid åt mig. Shit, vilket mirakelpiller! Jag var i himlen igen och livet var underbart i ett och ett halvt år till, tills min husläkare plötsligt meddelde mig att jag hade blivit beroende av den lugnande medicinen och det blev tvärstopp där och då. Hur oansvarigt det var av denna läkare att först skriva ut ett tungt narkotiskt preparat till en gröngöling för att sedan avsluta det helt utan nedtrappning är något som egentligen borde ha anmälts, men jag förstod inte bättre då. Har senare förstått att man rentav kan dö av att abrupt avsluta en sådan behandling.

Panikångesten var omedelbart tillbaka och den perfekta självmedicineringen heter alkohol och det hade jag ju fortfarande god tillgång till och dessutom gratis, så jag fortsatte som vanligt. Jag ansåg inte att jag hade alkoholproblem då mitt liv var perfekt. Mer än perfekt faktiskt. Jag hade nästan gränslöst med pengar, en vacker lägenhet på Östermalm och ärligt talat var jag rätt snygg också.

Jag tänkte fortfarande inte så mycket på konsekvenserna av mitt drickande, då jag inte ansåg att jag hade några. Jag började jobba på en PR-byrå med mode, skönhet och (ironiskt nog) alkohol. Det här jobbet skiljde sig inte från det tidigare på något annat sätt än att det de facto fanns ännu mer alkohol än tidigare. Jag jobbade ju trots allt med världens näst största spritleverantör och alkohol fanns tillgängligt när jag än kände för det och det var fortfarande gratis. Ungefär nu började vissa vänner konfrontera mig gällande mitt drickande, men jag tänkte bara att fan vad fjantiga (och jäkla tråkiga) de är och valde helt enkelt bort dem mer eller mindre.

Åren gick och vissa incidenter fick mig att inse att jag faktiskt hade problem med alkoholen. Ändå ville jag inte sluta. För att inte bli upptäckt på jobbet (även om de flesta kollegor nog redan anade) sade jag upp mig från mitt glassiga PR-jobb för att kunna ägna mig åt mitt drickande på heltid och det var där det började gå nerför. I två år brände jag enorma mängder på festande varje dag och när jag inte pallade gå ut satt jag hemma och drack whiskey eller i princip vad som helst vare sig klockan var 8 på morgonen, 14 på dagen eller 23 på kvällen. Jag hade förlorat kontrollen helt.

Då jag inte hade något jobb längre och mina pengar bara räckte till en viss tid av överdådigt leverne, var jag slutligen tvungen att sälja min vackra lägenhet. Då den låg på Östermalm sålde jag den för stora pengar och gjorde dessutom en god vinst på försäljningen och vips så flöt livet på igen. Jag flyttade in hos en vän med samma dryckesvanor som jag (med andra ord en alkoholist) och då varken personen eller jag hade något jobb och båda hade ett överflöd av pengar började drickandet urarta seriöst nu.

Jag har sett bilder på mig själv från den här tidsperioden, men jag var så alkosvullen att jag knappt känner igen mig själv. Det var vid den tidpunkten jag insåg att jag oavsett vad kommer att dö av min höga alkoholkonsumtion förr eller senare och av någon anledning var det trots allt ett alldeles för ofint sätt att dö på, så jag kom på en sjukt bra lögn. Jag berättade för alla att jag hade obotlig cancer. Det var ju trots allt något som kunde få folk att tycka synd om mig och med det berättigade jag att jag ändå kunde supa då jag ju oavsett skulle “dö av cancer”. Jag började trots det söka hjälp och var på avgifning efter avgiftning på psykakuten. Jag stannade där en vecka åt gången bara för att en halvtimme efter utskrivning ha svept en flaska vodka och var igång igen. Inget tycktes hjälpa.

Det är kring denna tidpunkt min pappa som bor i Halland hade fått nog. Han kom bokstavligen upp till Stockholm för att hämta ner mig till honom och för att göra en lång historia kort så körde han ner mig och jag hamnade ganska så omedelbart på sjukhus för att jag var i så dåligt skick. Jag stannade i inte mindre än 21 dagar och hade flera epileptiska anfall och skadade i princip varje kroppsdel som gick att skada (trots att jag var under sjukhusvård) och upplevde delirium tremens som även det är ett livshotande tillstånd som kan leda till döden.

När jag blev utskriven från sjukhuset var jag i så dåligt skick att jag inte ens kunde ta en “promenad” runt pappas hus utan att luta mig mot honom och jag skakade och darrade något oerhört i månader framöver. Det var ett rent helvete. Gradvis blev dock allt bättre och det var (enligt mig) dags att återvända till Stockholm. Jag hade fixat jobb på Drottningholms slott och en lägenhet i stan och såg fram emot en nystart. Jag var på Drottningholm i exakt en dag och när den dagen var slut, började drickandet igen. Alkohol är otroligt beroendeframkallande och om man inte har verktygen eller viljan för att kämpa emot den så slutar det med att du snabbare än fort hamnar där du sist slutade, vilket återigen var på avgiftning efter avgiftning. För att göra saken ännu värre fick jag under denna tid ytterligare förödande nyheter. När jag sålde min lägenhet hade jag magasinerat ALLT jag ägde hos ett magasineringsföretag ute i Spånga. Jag fick via omvägar (inte företaget självt) veta att hela anläggningen brunnit ner och därmed även mina saker. Jag ägde inte en enda pryl, möbel eller pinal längre. Jag hade supit bort mitt jobb, min lägenhet, mina vänner, min familjs förtroende och tillit och nu hade jag dessutom förlorat det sista materiella jag ägde.

Jag bestämde mig återigen för att att ge avgiftning ett försök och denna gång hade jag lite tillit och förhoppningar. Jag flyttade ner till Lund för att plugga statsvetenskap, vilket funkade bra ett tag, men det tog inte lång tid innan mina bästa vänner var en bag-in-box samt en sjuttis vodka om dagen. Avgiftning, avgiftning, avgiftning. Jag har själv tappat räkningen hur många gånger jag genomgått en sådan.

Vid den här tidpunkten hade jag inte haft ett jobb på 5 år. Nästan mirakulöst nog fick jag ett jobb (mitt nuvarande dagjobb) och det fick mig att hålla mig någorlunda nykter. Jag träffade en kille som var mitt livs kärlek och jag hans. Då vi hade ett distansförhållande och endast sågs under helger och ledigheter lyckades jag hålla mitt drickande under kontroll i början, men ju längre förhållandet fortskred kunde jag inte dölja mina problem för honom längre. Jag vill verkligen poängtera att jag aldrig känt likadant för någon i mitt liv och att han var mitt livs kärlek, men mitt beroende gjorde att jag förlorade honom. Jag söp bort honom helt enkelt. Det värsta är att jag inte minns när, var eller hur det tog slut. Det är nästan två år sedan, men stundvis gör det fortfarande ont i hjärtat och jag blir tårögd av alla fina minnen av honom. Dock räddade han paradoxalt nog mitt liv. Om han inte hade gjort slut med mig hade jag inte slutat dricka.

Som jag berättat ovan hade jag redan förlorat allt, flera gånger om, men materiella saker går alltid att återfå och livet går att bygga upp gång på gång. Däremot hade jag förlorat något jag inte kunde få tillbaka oavett mängden av pengar. Skadan gick inte att reparera. Han var borta, för gott. Jag var tvungen att göra ett val. Jag valde att leva. Jag gick till min arbetsgivare och sa hur det låg till och bad om hjälp. Tillsammans med honom och min familj kom jag efter många om och men in på Nämndemansgården där jag spenderade 5 veckor och ytterligare några månader i Nämndemansgårdens öppenvård. Tiden i behandling är den mest värdefulla i mitt liv. Det handlade inte så mycket om själva beroendet i sig, utan de bakomliggande orsakerna till beroendet. Jag lärde känna mig själv bättre under dessa få månader än jag gjort under hela mitt liv hittills.

Härefter började kampen om att få mitt liv tillbaka. Min arbetsgivare har varit otroligt förstående och stödjande under hela min behandling och gradvis återgick jag till att jobba heltid igen. Vissa kan ställa sig frågande till var mina föräldrar fanns under alla dessa år. Svaret är att de funnits där hela tiden. Det finns dock gränser för hur mycket man kan hjälpa. Vill en beroende inte bli hjälpt eller sluta, kan ingen annan fatta det beslutet åt honom. De gånger jag velat sluta har de dock båda suttit med mig i väntrummet på psykakuten, sett mig lida omänskliga plågor och genomlidit flera år av ofattbar smärta som bara en förälder som älskar sitt barn över allt annat kan känna. Det var inte förrän jag genomgått behandling som jag äntligen klarade av att bryta den onda cirkeln och nu har jag varit nykter i 17 månader. Jag räknar egentligen inte månader då jag lever för dagen istället. Varje dag.

I all ärlighet värderar jag livet helt annorlunda numera. Jag tar inget för givet längre. Ärligt talat var jag en bortskämd snorunge som inte hade en susning om att pengar hade ett värde. När man byggt upp hela sitt liv från grunden igen, inklusive att köpa allt från smörknivar till lakan till möbler och annat vet jag numera vad saker och ting faktiskt kostar och är ödmjuk inför pengar.

Det har varit ett långt inlägg och jag har utelämnat de mest motbjudande detaljerna som all förnedring jag genomgått, mina nära döden-upplevelser, saker jag aldrig trodde jag skulle göra och mer än så. Jag minns allt mycket väl och även om jag inte tänker på alla detaljer konstant, så är det bra att påminna sig om dem för att faktiskt hålla sig nykter.

Äntligen kan jag efter alla dessa år att jag befinner mig på en bra plats i livet. Visst, jag har varit nykter i 17 månader, men nykter är inte samma sak som tråkig. Jag festar fortfarande och kan utan problem stanna ute på klubben till 4 på morgonen och har roligare än jag någonsin haft förr, även om det inte är lika kul på morgontimmarna som förr, men det har nog med åldern att göra. Den här gången kan jag dessutom vara stolt över mina egna åstadkommanden då de samtliga är mina egna bedrifter. Jag tänker inte räkna upp allt jag åstadkommit under dessa 17 månader, men det är mer än de flesta människor ens klarar av under en livstid. Det här säger jag inte för att skryta, utan konstaterar bara att inget kan stoppa mig just nu. Det enda jag måste göra är att vara nykter. För er som tänker “eh, kan inte hänga med honom då han ju är nykter och det kanske triggar igång honom” säger jag bara, glöm det. Jag har inget emot att umgås med folk som dricker i mitt sällskap, nästintill det motsatta. Jag är en otroligt extrovert person och efter ett glas eller två kanske de hamnar på min nivå av konstant salongsberusning. 😉

Jag ser fram emot ett 2017 som kommer att förändra mitt liv fullständigt. Jag kommer att gradvis återvända till mode och PR, men med alla de lärdomar och insikter mitt liv i rännstenen har gett mig. Jag kanske inte har varit bokstavligen hemlös, som i boendes på gatan, men jag har förlorat allt. Jag har byggt och bygger konstant upp mitt liv för att nå en högre nivå än någonsin förr.

Jag är så tacksam och lycklig bara över att faktiskt vara vid liv. Jag är dock bara inte vid liv. Jag lever mitt liv fullt ut. När jag postar detta inlägg befinner jag mig på modeveckan i London och har inga som helst planer på att gå miste om alla fester, tvärtom. Dessutom kanske jag är lite fräschare dagen efter än de som festat till klockan 4 på natten dagen innan. 🙂

Om du verkligen tog dig tid att läsa allt detta, tack! Om det finns någon därute som känner för att prata eller ventilera något, skicka ett mail till mig så pratar jag om vad som. Av uppenbara skäl ryms inte 8 år av beroende in i ett kort inlägg som detta.


Fotograf: Björn Stenmark[:]


  1. Cristofer
    January 5, 2017 at 8:23 am

    Jösses vad stolt jag är över att ha dig som min vän. Du är en sann förebild i psykisk styrka – som visar att allt är möjligt om man vill. Njut av dagarna i London och ha kul!

  2. Martin (Ebylife)
    January 5, 2017 at 10:48 am

    Thank you so much for sharing Thomas. I know that can’t have been easy to write and then to share! I too gave up drinking alcohol a few years ago and it wasn’t until i did that i realised just how reliant on it i was. I often sit down to write about my experiences but never get around to posting it to the public. Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. Here’s to a happy and healthy 2017!

    January 5, 2017 at 10:55 am

    What a beautiful and honest, brave story. It must have taken some guts to share this, but I truly believe that because you shared with your employer then and us readers now you will get even more support! So many people have the issue and sometimes accepting it and asking for help will help you to take that first step!

    I’m very familiar with the addiction as my father had the same problem when I was a kid, but I’m so happy he manages to control it now and doesn’t drink! Wish he talked about it more though because I know it must be tough!

    I have many friends who don’t drink and they are more sociable than me!

    Enjoy LFW and what amazing images these are! Your hair looks amazing and that jacket is so special!

    Big Love

  4. Annelies
    January 5, 2017 at 10:59 am

    Thanks for sharing your story, I’m happy you are at a good stage again, stay strong! 🙂


  5. Peter Langerbeck
    January 5, 2017 at 11:59 am

    Thomas ett fantastiskt starkt inlägg. Tack. Kramen får du när vi ses. Prosit Neujahr 2017!

  6. Pia
    January 5, 2017 at 12:10 pm

    Jag hade ingen aning! Och är ganska lost for words. Lycka till? Styrkekramar? Bra jobbat? …
    Puss o kram.

  7. Edith
    January 5, 2017 at 12:21 pm

    Du vet mycket väl vad jag tycker om det hela och hur mycket jag älskar dig och du vet att jag alltid varit stolt över dig och din vänskap, efter detta är du min idol!

  8. Renata wollin
    January 5, 2017 at 12:23 pm

    Great article thomas!! You might not have a idea how helpfull you can be for lots of young and talenful youngers like u out there who suffer the same desease! Proud of you

  9. Hannu
    January 5, 2017 at 12:36 pm

    Jag är så stolt över dig!! ❤️❤️

  10. Elisabeth
    January 5, 2017 at 12:41 pm

    Starkt inlägg och viktigt! Fortsätt på den inslagna vägen. Jag har själv erfarenhet av nära som dött av sin alkoholism. Det är svårt att vara anhörig också. Man vill hjälpa till men måste inse att det helt hänger på att den som är sjuk måste vilja själv. Kram till Dig och God fortsättning på livet och 2017.

  11. Maria
    January 5, 2017 at 12:48 pm

    Wow, Thomas! Du är grym. Vilken resa du har gjort och tack för att du delar med dig. Respekt. ❤❤❤

  12. Pär
    January 5, 2017 at 12:52 pm

    Tack för att du delar med dig. Du har 17 månader, jag 17 dagar. Det som ger mig hopp nu är däremot känslan, jag har samma känsla för alkoholen nu som jag hade för “tillbehören” när jag sluta dem dem för länge sedan. Jag är helt enkelt klar.

  13. Ulla Stålberg
    January 5, 2017 at 12:58 pm

    Käre Thomas, Du vet att jag känner och tycker precis som Edith!
    Stor kram och fortsatt Lycka till med Ditt liv. Det kommer gå bra!

  14. Marco
    January 5, 2017 at 1:13 pm

    Todella rohkea tarina,arvostan <3

  15. Morgan Klein
    January 5, 2017 at 1:57 pm

    Omg! What an honest and well written post this was! Thank you so much for being so real and sharing everything. You should be so proud of yourself & here’s to a wonderful 2017 and a million more days of being sober (so glad that you value each one)!

  16. Mariann yip
    January 5, 2017 at 2:59 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your story as I know it must have been difficult to write and post. Nonetheless I think it shows how much strength you’ve had since you were able to overcome this. I am so glad you made the change and can’t wait to see what path you have in front of you!

  17. Iliana
    January 5, 2017 at 3:32 pm

    You are so brave Thomas and I commend for that and am proud of you!
    God is good and it goes to show he was always by your side. I pray he continues to give you the strength to keep strong and away from temption. ?

  18. Ana Vukosavljevic
    January 5, 2017 at 4:08 pm

    Thank you for sharing this experience!!

    I can relate to you a lot, because I have member of family who is an alcoholic and we gone through a lot with him. Not just alcoholism but bipolar disorder! Will and support from family is everything you need in times like that.

    Im SOOOOOO happy that you are over it, and I couldnt be more happier for you!

    I wish you all the best in 2017 and sending you a lots of love <3 <3 <3

  19. Frans Kok - Singapore
    January 5, 2017 at 4:17 pm

    Hey Thomas. Incredible story and although I have know you for twenty years I have never realised the struggle you have faced. I have looked at you as a very talented person with an immaculate taste for fashion. You have fought an enemy and have won. I am sure your story is a motivation for many young people who fight addictions. I have been blessed to know you personally and my esteem for you has grown by your courage of sharing this personal story.

  20. Jen
    January 5, 2017 at 5:00 pm

    You are so brave to share your vulnerability and story with us. I have learned so much from reading this one post. I think anything is possible if you have the right support group of people who will never give up on you and a willing mindset. You are truly an inspiration and I tell you that time and time again!!

  21. Jo
    January 5, 2017 at 5:42 pm

    Thomas, your bravery in sharing your story with us is nothing short of admirable. Your strength to seek help and continually pick yourself up is such an inspiration. Unfortunately in this day and age, topics of addiction and mental health is still a bit taboo, but if it weren’t for courageous people like you to open and honestly talk about their experiences, it would still be something that isn’t dealt with properly or understood. Lots of love. Xoxo

  22. Auli Arvola Orlander
    January 5, 2017 at 7:10 pm

    Raju kertomus. Olet urhea nuori mies, kenestä äitisi ihan varmasti huikean ylpeä … mutta myös helpottunut. Nauti selvästä elämästäsi!!!! Terveiset Auli

  23. Ed from My Dapper Self
    January 5, 2017 at 7:16 pm

    Thomas I am so proud of you. I knew you were a very brave man and this post only confirms what I already knew. Thanks a lot for sharing these experiences with us because it is by talking openly about these things that more people can become aware of what’s going on in an addict’s mind… and who knows? This might be the post that can save someone’s life.

    You’ve done well, Thomas. I applaud you!

  24. Charissa
    January 5, 2017 at 7:19 pm

    It must have been so hard to write these words down. But you can be so proud of yourself you did Thomas!
    Proves your alot stronger than you might have thought a few years ago. XO Charissa –

  25. Anthony @oh_anthonio
    January 5, 2017 at 7:26 pm

    Such a remarkable story Thomas! You’ve overcome something so hard and I’m really proud of you for sharing your story! Keep up the sobriety and stay strong! I’m sending you tons of positive vibes to star the new year. Cheers =) <3

  26. Bryanna
    January 5, 2017 at 7:49 pm

    First of all, I can’t get enough of your jacket! (Just wanted to cover that first haha) Secondly, it just goes to show that you never know anyone’s internal battles. I would have never guessed this about you. It’s even more empowering that you have the understanding to be able to not only learn from your mistakes, but to help others with the same problem. Such an inspiring post and I’m so glad you are doing well! Thanks so much for talking about this issue 🙂

    xoxo Bryanna | Coming in Clutch

  27. Jordan Chapman
    January 5, 2017 at 7:56 pm

    I’m so happy that you were able to overcome your alcoholism and continue living your life. Battling any sort of addiction is hard and I can tell that you’ve come so far. Very proud and you’ve done an amazing job with this. It’s hard to open up, but thank you for inviting us all in for this post. I appreciate it and love seeing how far you come and will come in 2017!
    Jordan xx

  28. Heidi Raisma
    January 5, 2017 at 8:01 pm


  29. gracie
    January 5, 2017 at 8:53 pm

    Thomas, I hope in some way this post was therapeutic, I know putting things into words sometimes can help in healing. I am so happy for the last 17 months that you have had. You survived, came out on the other side & succeeded beyond even what I am sure, were your wildest expectations. Addiction of any type is so hard to overcome & you did, you should feel so proud !
    xx, gracie

  30. Stephanie
    January 5, 2017 at 9:47 pm

    I have so many words that are rushing around inside my head right now, and it would take some serious time to get them all to come out in the way that I wish they could. I’ll try to narrow it down to the most important points. The first thing I want to say is that I love you. Truly, you have become one of the brightest parts of my blogging journey since we met just a few months ago. Your charisma, generosity, kindness, and bravery make up the most beautiful parts of your soul, and that’s just to name a few. Reading this post, I had actual tears streaming from my eyes, to hear of what you’ve been through in your life. I knew you had gone through something, as you had mentioned near-death experiences in posts past, but I never knew to what you were referring. Now I not only am aware, but I feel such a swell of pride that after the many years you took consolation and found happiness at the bottom of a bottle, you’re living your life in a completely cleansed way, and still making the most of it – I have to admit, I’ve been rather jealous seeing your Insta stories at times – but now I see what you’ve worked for. It may have caused massive heartbreak for you to find your way to the light at the end of the alcohol-drenched tunnel, but you still pushed through, and chose LIFE, and to that – a life of joy! I hope that blogging has become an outlet for you, to allow others to love you for the incredible human being you are, and I hope that in writing this, you felt a little more peace flood into your heart at what you’ve accomplished in the past 17 months. As cliché as it sounds, I just want to remind you to “stay strong” and also to know that you always have a friend to talk with in me – no matter what you’re going through, what amazing thing happened in your day, or what dreams you’re reaching for. Ah, and I said I would narrow it down, yet here’s my rambling comment… ❤️

    Stephanie //

  31. Eva
    January 5, 2017 at 10:09 pm

    Hello Thomas!!!
    Really very thoughtfull and deep story..I’m glad for you to have the courage to share us a lot of side of your life. This remind me to think you are out of the tunnel. Anyway be carefull, if you need support, ask us here we are like a friends.:)
    I appreciate your honestly, it’s a not usually post (your pics in b&W are amazing,the jacket likes J.Dean) and I’m sure you can help many people who need to be helped.
    sending a lot of love from Italy and I’m proud of you dear!

  32. Christine Kong
    January 5, 2017 at 10:46 pm

    Wow. I am blown away by this story, your life, your recovery, your positivity. I am so proud of you for being sober for 17 months although I know everyday can be a struggle. You have been through the worst and you have come out of it stronger and able to inspire others through your story, your photos, your fashion. Thank you for sharing this heartfelt yet difficult past with us and know that we all are here to support you. I am in love with this “James Dean” inspired shoot as well, but your words touch me the most. xoxo, Christine

  33. Linh Dao
    January 5, 2017 at 11:57 pm

    Omg I could not stop reading this post and until I got to the end, I wanted more! I’m sooooo proud of you for being sober for 17 months now. It amazes me how you turned everything around and didn’t give up! It gives me hope! I don’t Think you’ve lost everything, I believe you’ve gained so much more from your experiences and it makes you a great person and a very strong person! So glad we met through IG because I’m honored to know someone like you! And omg I thought your in your 20s! You don’t look a day over 25! Luv you Thomas! I hope we meet one day when I am in your country!


  34. Hadasah Love | Style To Love
    January 6, 2017 at 12:34 am

    Love everything about this post! So cute!
    Love, Hadasah Love | Instagram @hadasahlove

  35. Josie
    January 6, 2017 at 2:03 am

    Wow Thomas, a story full of HOPE. Thank you so much for opening up to us and sharing such a personal part of your life. I am extremely happy to know that you have overcome your addiction and it’s all because you wanted to …. along with the tremendous support from the people who loves you the most.
    Look at you now, doing so well. I feel super proud and honoured to know your story! Une histoire d’espoir et de perseverance.

    Bon vent Thomas!

    Bisous, Josie

  36. Samantha Mariko
    January 6, 2017 at 2:44 am

    Awww Thomas.. This must have been so hard for you, and please know that halfway across the word, someone is supporting you and cheering you on 🙂 I really appreciate you sharing such a personal story, and it’s so amazing and inspiring how you’ve changed and how much stronger of a person you’ve become. You are awesome x

  37. Leila D.
    January 6, 2017 at 4:33 am

    Thank you so much for sharing. Most people don’t realize that they have a problem and something really big needs to happen for them to start to change. I have tried to help someone with that addiction but until the person really wants to change themselves not much can be done unfortunately. I am so happy for you that you are sober and I wish that it stays that way. BTW I don’t drink at all and still have fun lol. Have a great weekend! xoxo

  38. Jo
    January 6, 2017 at 5:14 am

    My love, I’ve attempted to write something here since this morning but failed to do so as my emotions were just everywhere. I thought I was prepared to read this beautiful survival story but I was completely wrong. After countless times I’ve cried, I was finally able to put some words together. It took tremendous courage for you to open up and share your most difficult past with not just your friends and family but also the world where there are so many who are still going through same struggles/additions. This very personal story will help millions in this world and give them hope to a successful recovery. I still remember when you told me about the anniversary of your 16 months sobriety and am now hearing 17 months. I can’t wait to celebrate many more wonderful anniversaries like this with you in this journey of life. I am sure we will encounter many challenges in the future as life is always filled with hardships, headaches, joys, celebrations and special moments but please do remember I will always be here for you no mater what. You beautiful and brave soul, I love you so very much. PS: you know how much I loved this “James Dean” inspired looks :).

    With love,

  39. Caro
    January 6, 2017 at 5:27 am

    So moved by your hoensty and so so proud of you for turning your life around. You are such an inspiration & such a strong person. So brave to share this!! All the best to you always, so happy to have found you on instagram ??

  40. Yasmin
    January 6, 2017 at 5:34 am

    Thank you for sharing your story. Addiction is a crippling disease that completely takes control of your mind and body. It is nearly impossible to say no to what you want even if it may disgust you and you know it’s bad for you. I know from past experience, which made reading your story so interesting for me. I totally agree that it’s important to address the why because a huge part of it is psychological. And it seems that you did that with your last treatment facility. I’m so happy that you got the help that you needed and succeeded in confronting your addiction. It’s not easy and for that alone I would say you’ve achieved more than most, although I’m sure your list of achievements you mentioned is impressive. I wish you a lifetime of healthiness and strength to come.

    xx Yasmin

  41. Miki
    January 6, 2017 at 6:09 am

    Wow Thomas, that is a lot I did not even know about you. I cannot even begin to understand how it must feel, but what I do know is that you are an incredibly brave individual. I really can only imagine just how hard it must have been to bring yourself back to the hospital over and over again. It’s truly amazing that you have been sober for 17 months. I’m really sorry that it took losing your lost love to get there, but I believe everything happens for a reason. You are now in a great place, and I am sure you’ll have an incredible year. You really can’t make someone change who they are. Change happens to people who desire it themselves. That goes for everything from weight loss, addiction and other habits. It is certainly more heartbreaking when you want to help someone and can’t though. I really appreciate you sharing this story and how open you are about addiction and alcoholism. You’ve done such an amazing job the past 17 months. Keep your head up in the right direction. I’m excited to see what 2017 holds for you! 🙂


  42. Eric k
    January 6, 2017 at 7:30 am

    Buddy, this was one of the emotional stories I have read before. This is extremely personal and i honestly take my hat of to you and how you went through struggles. I can write so much here, and it will prob be the longer than your post, however, the only thing I will tell you that I am so proud of you my friend. You are putting your name in legend book and I will make every effort possible to meet with you in person in Sweden (Shake your hand and Give you hug).
    Huge thanks for sharing this …

  43. Esra
    January 6, 2017 at 9:00 am

    Omg such a honest and good post!! Very interesting to read some more personal infos about you! I am glad that you did it! I know the topic very well, unfortunatelly… my father was alcoholic, and one ex boyfriend too. Both didn’t mnage to get sober. My fathernis dead, but the other boy maybe will manage it some day :/
    I wish you all the best!! Xoxo

  44. Luke Ross
    January 6, 2017 at 10:19 am

    What a powerful piece Thomas, I’m so glad that you were able to face and overcome your demons to share your story. It shows a real strength of character.

  45. Warren
    January 6, 2017 at 12:00 pm

    Aww Thomas babe. You are truly an amazing man to be so open with what you have been through takes courage and I am so proud of how far you have come. Thanks for sharing something that is so deep and personal with all of us, you are a true inspiration Thomas and it’s an honour and a pleasure to know you.

    Warren Asaeli Pasi

  46. Camille
    January 6, 2017 at 12:31 pm

    Thank you very much for sharing, this was so moving and brave. Have a wonderful 2017 🙂

    Camille xo

  47. Aleksandra Ladygin
    January 6, 2017 at 4:37 pm

    Great desicion Thomas! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!
    I don’t drink alcohol at all already 5 years. Actually i don’t like parties and clubs anymore. I have another things to enjoy.

  48. diana
    January 6, 2017 at 5:21 pm

    Thank you for sharing this personal experience and problem. So hard to believe that it happen to you but it is inspiring that you fought for who you are today! Now I have a question, how old are you?

  49. Everest
    January 6, 2017 at 5:26 pm

    That’s such a beautiful story of your journey Thomas and I am so proud of you for having to pull yourself up when you keep falling back into alcoholism, it wasn’t easy but you made it and you’re definitely an inspiration.
    An inspiration for the spirit of perseverance and believing in yourself that you be the change you want to be.
    I love the mood of these pictures too. So much melancholy, so much depth of life.

    much love from singapore,

  50. Isabel
    January 6, 2017 at 10:55 pm

    My dearest, I was reading your story now but I had already read it in the morning, before going to work, and i must confess that it was all day long in my mind. I love the way you are so genuine: I’m sure that’s why you write so well and it always seems i’m reading a book when I came to your blog.
    Of course I almost cryed with all you wrote, i’m such an emotional fool; I adore the way you changed your life in such a short time, coming from almost nothing, the way you feel grateful for your parent’s help and for all the things you could achive in these few months. And I’m sure this is just the beginning…
    You know i’m a big fan of your blog, a big fan of your style and a big fan of you as person.
    Anyway, loved all the photos, you look amazing in all.
    Keep writting your story, can’t wait to read it.

    Sending love,



  51. Jennifer Quattrucci
    January 6, 2017 at 11:18 pm

    Dearest Tommy,
    It is overwhelming for me to sit down and respond to this post because I have been filled with thoughts, feelings, memories, and such so much I want to say and share. I certainly will not go on about the people in my life who have overcome or are still struggling with alcoholism. I will only focus on you. Since I met you, I knew there was something special about you. Something beyond the incredible fashion/ style and extraordinarily amazing good looks. Something within you and your story is a huge example of this. Who else could reflect, grow and learn and continue to inspire and share so much of himself ? Only you. My heart breaks as I read about the love of your life but I also know you will experience love and joy and true fulfillment again.
    I also just want to thank you for continuing to stay strong because we all need you.


    Ps. Please know I’m always here.

  52. Carolina
    January 7, 2017 at 1:07 am

    I’m sure that you have helped someone out there by writing this post ❤ you are so brave, not everybody would have the courage to write all. Im so proud of you 2017 will be your year Thomas ❤


  53. francesca
    January 7, 2017 at 3:10 am

    wow! These photos are amazing!! Seriously killed it. And somehow the photos go perfectly with you beautiful deep story. So much inspiration in one post. Congrats on getting through something so intense and making it into something beautiful in the end. It’s so inspirational
    Frank Vinyl : A California Fashion Blog

  54. Helen Chik
    January 7, 2017 at 3:11 am

    I actually love how honest you are in this post and what a battle you’ve gone through! I’m so proud of you and seriously, who needs alcohol to have fun right?! I recently went on holidays and my boyfriends friend was drinking so excessively he was ruining his mates trip because he spent most of his time looking after him! He needs to have your courage and face this and deal with it head on!

    Well done to you Thomas!! So Proud of you! We will have a mocktail when I head up your way!

    Helen xx

  55. Jenn Hanft
    January 7, 2017 at 4:00 am

    Thomas, I am at a complete loss of words. After reading this post, I had to read it once more just to really dive deeper. For starters, congratulations on staying sober for these past 17 months (and going). Getting over an addiction is certainly not an easy feat, and through your story, you have been through so much and you are still standing strong today. Though I may not understand alcoholism, my significant other’s father suffers from it and I’ve seen how it deteriorates families. I’m so proud that you were able to pull through and I’m sure that you will continue to do so! You don’t need to drink to have fun. On a deeper level, I’m so sorry that you struggled so much and have incurred many losses over time, but I do believe that everything happens for a reason. Each event in our lives serves an impact that becomes a part of our story and who we are today. Thank you for taking the time and courage to write out and share your story. Peeling back the layers definitely do bring tears (as you wrote in a previous post). If you ever need someone to talk to, you can certainly count me in. Sending strength, xx.


  56. Darlene
    January 7, 2017 at 5:36 am

    HI Thomas!

    this is such an inspiring story and a BRAVE confession. I read everything twice! I was amazed and in disbelief about what I’ve read, I never thought this would happen to YOU. A lot of kids nowadays is so consumed into drinking and partying at an early age and they don’t even know they are starting to be alcoholic. While I was reading I remember the time I had a great job modelling in Europe and such and then I was exposed to alcohol. I didn’t think I was alcoholic but maybe I was getting there as I was out every night too but it only lasted for a year, I wish they have more awareness about this because this is not a laughing matter and have to be taken seriously (same as mental health issue) People still make fun of this issues little did they know this is just as the same category as cancer. They think and say “oooh it’s all about the power of your mind” But it’s not. Anyway, I am happy and I salute you more for being a survivor. I know it’s a hard to cope up from this, as a lot of people get stranded. I also just recently watched the woman of the train. (how perfect for this theme).


    thanks for sharing your beautiful story


  57. Jenelle
    January 7, 2017 at 9:05 am

    I am so proud of you for having the courage to write all of this. To be honest, I could tell there was some sort of story, but I had no idea what it would be. I am glad to have read this and understand a little more. It’s pretty crazy how much alcohol is a part of the culture of launches for things, for fashion and so on. I am not a big drinker, and often drive on purpose to events so I have an excuse not to drink much. Since waiters literally sneak up and refill your glasses, it is sometimes harder to tell how much you have drunk as well. It is not responsible service of alcohol. At least, this has been my experience in Australia (but the drinking culture here is ridiculous). I am glad to read of your turning point and the experiences you have gone through to get there. I have a relative with a serious drug addiction, it is horrible to see her what seems like slowly die in front of us, but there seems to be little we can do. She has to make the choice for herself to get better. Hard to understand. She and I look very alike, except that she now looks older than me (despite her being ten years younger).
    Anyway, reading your experience was so interesting, thank you for sharing it. I wish I could give you a hug!
    xx Jenelle

  58. Jessie
    January 7, 2017 at 10:15 am

    Omg those black and white portrait shots are amazing! probably my fav so far from all the photoshoots you’ve had! Your photographer has done an amazing job!!

    I quit drinking for 3 years between the age 19 – 21! I have to say it was very difficult at the start, given that was the prime party and social age, but in the end, your mind just so use to with it. I can party with just one can of redbull in my hand =)

    Happy 2017 Thomas!

    xx, Jessie

  59. Keyma
    January 7, 2017 at 4:29 pm

    This was such an amazing post Thomas. Thank you for opening up to us and being so fragile and honest. I wish you a lasting sobriety and I hope you continue to share your story as you never know who you are touch.

  60. Hadasah
    January 7, 2017 at 6:28 pm

    Dear Thomas, I really find inspiring and lovely that you open your heart and share with us of your personal life. I pray this year will be a year of more and more blessings and that you may continue succeeding in achieving all your personal goals.
    Much love from Miami 🙂
    Hadasah //

  61. Gina Diaz
    January 7, 2017 at 6:36 pm

    Thank you, Thomas, for being so open and honest to share your personal story with us. I would have never imagined this could happen to you. The most important is that is over and that have put your life back together again. I am very happy to see how you are full of life and energy to keep on going!!! on the other hand, I love this photographic work, WOW!! so amazing. I clap my hands to the photographer!!! bravo!!

  62. Gina Diaz
    January 7, 2017 at 6:38 pm

    sending lots of love, Thomas!!! and a big hug all the way from Miami!!!

    Xx. Gina

  63. Mikael Jalonen
    January 7, 2017 at 9:32 pm

    I´ve been there kära Tommy! Kankse är jag kvar i helvetet men du är stark och din berättelse berör! Som du vet så den som är i smeten är kanske inte så mottaglig för insikt! 🙂 Älskar dig…. har så många minnen från våran ungdom ! Kram kära kusin och som du kanske redan vet är din kära Eine på väg ifrån oss….. Kram !

  64. Lily Rose
    January 7, 2017 at 10:50 pm

    Thomas, I read your entire post. I’m so sorry you went through all of this. It’s such a crazy story and the experiences you’ve had. I truly hope you the best, you’re in the right place right now. Congrats on the 17 month, I’m so proud of you and I cannot wait to see your future posts when that number keeps getting higher and higher! Thanks for sharing this very personal and vulnerable post with us. Enjoy LFW! I’m hoping to be there in Sept.

    -Lily from With Love Lily Rose

  65. Lucy Hernández
    January 7, 2017 at 10:51 pm

    Oh Thomas this was such an amazing read! Thank you so much for being so raw and open with your years of addiction. It’s takes true bravery to share something like that and I do believe that through sharing your story you help others to take away the stigma, to better understand that person in their life that might be fighting addiction and as a beacon of hope that there is the other side. I send you so much good energy to continue in your sober journey and cannot wait to see all you do in fashion, PR , anything!

    Furthermore, these beautiful images capture your sentiment so well. A beautiful accompaniment to your 8 year struggle.

  66. Michelle
    January 8, 2017 at 12:40 am

    That was the most powerful thing I’ve read in a very long time. From following you now for a short time now I’ve seen your depth and your way with words but I now see your strength and your raw emotion as I never have before. It’s funny how you never truly appreciate what you have till it’s gone. May you be successful in your journey back to the top. Wishing you love, peace and happiness in 2017!

  67. Open Kloset By Karina
    January 8, 2017 at 1:17 am

    Dear Thomas,
    How are you?
    First Thank you for sharing this very Private and Deep Part of Your Life. You are very Strong and You know: What doesn’t Kill you Makes you Stronger! I am Happy That you are 17 Months Sober and I am sure you Did your Best:) Very Very Proud of you and Thank you again for this Honest Post, you really touched me as usual:)
    Love Kisses
    Open Kloset By Karina

  68. Maggie
    January 8, 2017 at 5:55 am

    I can’t believe you went through all that and is brave enough to share it with the internet. There are so many nasty trolls out there that will take this out of context and use it against you. But thank you so much for sharing. I think there will be people that can relate and it can really encourage others to not fall into something so harsh. At such a young age, you were able to pull yourself out and seriously triumph over it. Not saying there aren’t going to be temptations, but your sheer determination is really inspiring. You went from having everything to nothing, then just re-evaluating everything and owning it. There’s really not much to say besides thank you for being you. 🙂

    Maggie S.

  69. Aldora
    January 8, 2017 at 6:31 am

    Wow it’s a lengthy read but I managed to finish reading it cuz I wanted to know the “dark side” of you Thomas *LOL
    It’s true that alcoholism is detrimental and bad for health and I’m glad you had such supportive family and employer who are willing to help you out of this! Judging from the extent of your addiction, it’s amazing that you stayed sober for 17 months and counting for now. Will be here to give you support and perhaps “preach” to you whenever you have those undesirable alcoholic cravings moving fwd. Rock on Sassy Thomas! Own your life and live it to the fullest!

  70. Kusum
    January 8, 2017 at 5:29 pm

    What a beautiful and inspiring post to start the year, Thomas! It is so commendable that you are always willing to come out and honestly talk about what struggles you have been through and how you take actions to overcome them. I think a lot of people do not even realize or refuse to accept they have a problem to begin with. I wish more and more people read this and seek help as needed, there is no shame in that. I have to applaud you for your growth and maturity!!!
    xx, Kusum |

  71. Lolita Mas
    January 8, 2017 at 9:35 pm

    Thank you so much for sharing your story! You are very brave and strong!

  72. Laurelle
    January 8, 2017 at 10:53 pm

    Oh wow, Thomas. I had no idea! But it goes to show you that you never know what other people have gone or are going through! I had a severe eating disorder for 6 plus years that I didn’t share till I finally realized it was a problem due to scary heath-related things that started happening, and that if I didn’t get help, I could die. It takes so much courage to reach out for help, and I am so proud of you for doing that! And so inspired by you sharing your story here. That must not have been easy. I know it will touch many, and it has already touched me and given me so much hope! I have a brother who is struggling with alcoholism and depression. Hearing your story was so encouraging!! There is light at the end of the tunnel for everyone! Thank you so much for sharing, and I wish you the very best in your career(s)! You have done well for yourself!! Your blog is amazing!!

  73. Sofia
    January 9, 2017 at 6:29 am

    Im so happy that you have managed to fight this battle. Alcoholism is something that will forever follow me. What I was a kid my mom left my dad and I saw him thaw away. First he got depressed and then the drinking began. Unfortunately it was too late when my mom and grandmother finally decided that something had to be done, and he passed away. Im happy that you shared this and hope it will help others in the same situation!

  74. marcy
    January 9, 2017 at 1:30 pm

    Wow Thomas thanks for sharing this post with us. You are so strong man and been able to accept and getting over this is something to admire. Sometimes people get addictive specially in the celebrity- hollywood- pr- world can certainly destroy you.

  75. Lisa Linh
    January 9, 2017 at 6:01 pm

    This post was so well written and honest. Congrats on taking that step and to being sober. This was amazing and thank you for being vulnerable as this will certainly help someone else out as well.

    Lisa Linh

  76. Candace
    January 9, 2017 at 6:50 pm

    I thought you were an open book at first, but this post takes the cake. I am so glad you were able to overcome our alcoholism and also be able to share it so freely with people like us, who you don’t even know. That just shows your courage and willingness to help others who may be dealing with the same situation. I am quite sure that this post will help someone out there and I hope you land that PR gig soon 🙂

  77. isidora
    January 9, 2017 at 7:42 pm

    it must must be very hard to write to write it down. congrats on being s hones about yourself bc this is the one step forward! I am with you, go on! and i wish you happy new year have a fresh start!

  78. vanessa troset q
    January 9, 2017 at 7:58 pm

    WOW this story is so inspiring and also the way you open your heart and thougths about this part of your life! this is such an inspiring story and a brave confession. Thanks for sharing something that is so personal with all of us. So proud of your story babe!!!

  79. Morgan Ryan
    January 10, 2017 at 2:42 am

    Love how vaulneranle and open you were about your experience! You do remind me of James Dean in these pics 🙂


  80. Maryam
    January 10, 2017 at 4:37 am

    Wow, how brace are you to write this post! I’m sure it wasn’t easy but I admire your honesty. Thank you for sharing something so personal. xx

  81. Sharon Wu
    January 10, 2017 at 4:56 am

    Thomas! I always love how honest and open you are with us in your posts. Contrary to most like you’ve mentioned who like to party and have fun in their 20’s, alcohol and drugs have actually never been items of interest to me, and I guess in a way it worked out for the better LOL. I’m so glad to hear that you were able to survive alcoholism and are living a healthier lifestyle now. It’s definitely something to be proud of and I know I am proud of you for sure! Can we have a mocktail when you come visit me and Claire in LA? 🙂 hehe xo, sharon

  82. Lana_SHON
    January 10, 2017 at 12:48 pm

    Really great post!

  83. Kirsten Thyra
    January 10, 2017 at 2:13 pm

    What a beautiful and honest post. You are so brave for sharing this and I am so proud of you <3 I know people who didn't survive alcoholism.. so I'm really happy to read you fought your way out of it and are in a better place in life now.

    and p.s. You still look hot so no worries 😉

  84. Darya
    January 10, 2017 at 7:08 pm

    Thank you, Thomas for your courage to tell us your story. I would definitely show it to my friends with the same problem. I’m really really proud of you!!!

  85. Manda
    January 11, 2017 at 1:31 am

    Thomas, I am so happy you shared this. It goes to show the place that you are in now that you can share your story so openly and honestly. It’s a very difficult thing to share and I commend you and your bravery in doing so. Stories like this have the potential to have such a positive impact on someone needing to hear it. I just had a close high school friend pass away from an overdose. I’m a firm believer that it doesn’t matter if you loose it all multiple times, you have to want it, and you have to seek help and it seems like thats just what you did! You can’t do it on your own and I feel like sometimes thats the hardest part is being able to honestly admit it. I have a family member who is going through something similar with her boyfriend and this is so encouraging and positive to hear! Thank you for sharing!

    Manda |

  86. Tandya
    January 11, 2017 at 3:56 am

    Hi Thomas! Thank you so much for sharing. Alcoholism is a disease and is seen as taboo. Thank you for opening up to us. It is so hard being personal and I really amend you for telling us your story! I am so glad you are in a better place now!

    All the best! Xo

  87. Deddeh Howard
    January 11, 2017 at 7:09 am

    I love for this post. You overcomeed it and that’s all that matters. Thank you so much for sharing, I’m so proud of you. ??

  88. Rachel Holliday
    January 11, 2017 at 8:40 am

    This post is incredible and you should be really proud that you’ve shared it, you never know who could stumble across this and how much it might help them. Congratulations on 17 months sober, that’s such a huge achievement and its amazing to hear how your life keeps getting better and better. You look so cool and stylish n these photos wearing your grandads jacket. Have the best time at fashion week!

    This coat is so stunning on you and I absolutely adore how you’ve styled it!

    Rachel xx

  89. Coco
    January 11, 2017 at 3:16 pm

    Dear Thomas, thank you so much for sharing this painful experience. I know how much damage alcoholism can cause, as my mother suffered from alcoholism. Now she is not with us anymore, and I’m trying to remember only the good, even though there was so much bad. Good luck with all my heart for your new life! Baci, Valeria – Coco et La vie en rose FASHION & BEAUTY

  90. Aimara
    January 11, 2017 at 4:30 pm

    OMG! I’m literally crying right now!! Thanks for sharing this, for real!
    I am so sorry for all the hard and devastating things you had to go through, but it takes a real man to sit down and recognize every mistake and bad decision, and it takes a even bigger man to write all about it in the internet.
    Your story is such an inspiration and prove that there’s always room to make a big come back. You are very lucky that you had friends and family to support you and even though I can’t imagine what you have been through, I do know and relate with the concept of having to start over.
    Thanks again for sharing your beautiful story and FYI pictures are on point! So hot!! Love your dad’s jacket 🙂
    Have an awesome day ahead and stay on the right track, you are set to accomplish many many great things!
    God bless!

  91. Jacqueline
    January 11, 2017 at 8:30 pm

    I’m literally teary eyed Thomas! Thank you so much for sharing this incredible story. You’re such a wonderful person and I’m so proud of you for kicking that addiction. It’s hard I know. And if you ever need anyone to talk to I’m here buddy! And that jacket is everything. It’s so appropriate for this post.

  92. Atsuna Matsui
    January 11, 2017 at 10:20 pm

    These photos really have a James Dean vibe to them and I think you look so cool and bad-ass here. I’m so sorry that you went through the hardship of dealing with alcoholism, but I’m glad you conquered it. You’re a true fighter and I think these photos speak on how much better you look on the outside as well as your health. I actually suffered from some anxiety attacks the past year and I’ve been learning to combat it with meditation and relaxing instead of relying on any form of prescription drugs. I’m glad that you’re at a better place in life now and always remind mind over matter.

  93. Katya Bychkova
    January 12, 2017 at 1:49 am

    It’s such a heart breaking story! I’m so happy that you keep it in control now! I agree there is a societal pressure to consume alcohol but it’s your decision what to do with your life! I’m so happy for you that you are staring a new year on a new positive note! Wishing you to be strong on your journey in 2017 too!

  94. Kayla
    January 12, 2017 at 2:42 am

    Wow, you are incredibly brave for sharing your story, I know it wasn’t easy but it probably therapeutic in some sense. And you are totally right, you cannot help an addict that does not want to be helped. A close friend of mine has been struggling with alcoholism for a while, and we often worry about him, because his father died from it. It’s tough because you never want to see a friend or a loved one suffer. But I am glad that you were able to overcome such a rough time in your life, and skies the limit from here! YOU CAN DO ANYTHING! 🙂

  95. Ravayna
    January 12, 2017 at 7:15 am

    Thomas, thanks for sharing such a powerful story. So proud of you for coming through the fire!

  96. Darya
    January 12, 2017 at 8:26 pm

    Love this blogpost! Great ! Xoxo Darya

  97. Ria
    January 13, 2017 at 3:50 pm

    Wow, congratulations on getting where you are today. This was really powerful. 17 months is amazing! You can do it!


  98. frank lin
    January 15, 2017 at 11:23 pm

    Thomas. Wow. I really didn’t expect this.
    I’m quite shocked on the one side but also super proud that you share your story.
    Alcoholism is such an awful sickness (Unfortunately I made my own experience with that in my own family).
    I’m so happy that you’re doing well now.

    x frank

  99. Barb
    January 17, 2017 at 2:50 pm

    Just stumbled upon this post and was so moved by your journey. Love that you shared such a raw account of your story.
    We all battle something although our travels aren’t identical, I’m sure so many will be inspired by your path.
    If just one person is lifted, your sufferings will not have been in vain❤

  100. Belle
    January 23, 2017 at 3:50 pm

    Thomas thank you for sharing your story. You’re entirely right. Alcoholism isn’t just people on the street, it’s every day people. My own brother is currently in recovery and it’s such a hard struggle. I understand what you mean in saying you took what the doctor gave you because you’re supposed to trust everything that they say but I have heard of this situation happening where you’re just prescribed something that will make you addicted to that.
    You’re brave and courageous for tackling your fears head on and I really admire that. <3

  101. Natasha du Chen
    January 31, 2017 at 11:35 am

    You are like a movie star! So inspiring

  102. Brittany
    January 31, 2017 at 6:12 pm

    Truly incredible- thank you for being so open and honest. You’re an inspiration to all <3


  103. dbrodowski
    February 8, 2017 at 8:49 pm

    Wow ,That post is perfect!

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