If you’re new to the blog and don’t know me yet, I’ll begin by telling you that I’m a perfectionist and have worked a lot on not being one in order for not letting it take over my everyday life. It’s a good personality trait, but too much perfection can be just that, too much. Despite the title I won’t go into perfectionism in this post as much as I will on one of its side effects, feeling guilty. The feeling of guilt can come from things you both can and cannot affect.
This time around the feelings of immense guilt come from the latter. I’ve been suffering from an intense cold for four days and am still on it. This flu has really incapacitated me and I can’t focus on anything. I’ve slept an average of 18 hours the last few days and when awake I’ve not had the energy to answer emails, return phone calls or even text people. I’ve not been able to work on my day job (which is still on until March 31st) nor my job as a blogger either. That means cancelled photo shoots, delayed blog posts (yup, that’s part of what pays my salary as a blogger), zero engagement on social media. For someone who has the traits of a perfectionist this doesn’t only lead to a feeling of guilt in regards to everyone you let down, but also to a feeling of low self esteem and not being good enough. Imperfection.
This is something I’ve felt before and it’s not different this time, except for the fact that this time around I’m practically immobile and chained to my bed (not literally…). Not being able to fullfil duties and promises made both to myself and others leads up to that immense feeling of guilt and brings me down. It’s not about writers block however, as I never have that, but it’s about not physically nor mentally being strong enough to actually type something down.
This is the closest I’ve felt to those drinking days when I would do nothing else than sit at home drinking, watching whatever’s on TV and sleep. Except this time I don’t even have the joy of being wasted (no worries, one can make fun of oneself after actually having made it through an ordeal like that). After having some immense self pitying moments the last few days I decided I won’t let it get to me. Easier said than done, but I have to realize I’m sick and there’s not much I can do about it except sleep, rest and drink lots of fluids until it’s over. It all comes down to the fact that I’m human and perfection is something that can never be obtained or achieved. You can strive to be as good of a person, friend, lover, employee, athlete etc. as possible, but you’ll never be perfect. Although I’ll never be perfect, I’m one heck of a human being though.
To include some fashion I actually want to introduce a brand that was unknown to me until I got the pleasure of working with them (and excuse me if I’m ignorant to an immensely well known Italian brand, but I can’t keep track of everything, I’m not perfect, remember). I’m talking about Garcia Jeans from where this black denim jacket is from and some browsing on their web page opened up a whole new world in fashion to me, which is somewhat of an immense pleasure. Just like I discovered River Island in London and Pull & Bear in Hamburg before they opened their first stores in Sweden. It’s that feeling of wearing something unique, yet affordable, knowing no one else has a similar piece.
I always do extensive research on brands I work with and basically Garcia Jeans and me share the same philosophy as found on their homepage:
Life is a series of choices. These choices add up to who we are. They determine our character. Stand still. Or fall face first into the unknown. Follow conventional wisdom. Or succeed on your own terms. Play it safe. Or cause a stir. Take what you’re handed. Or design a life you love. Go with the flow. Or take the road less boring. Stick to what you know. Or be open to all that this world has to offer.
That relates well to my latest blog post about doing just that, taking a leap into the unknown. Despite me not knowing the brand before, I bet a lot of you do. If not, you sure can check them out easily as they apart from their web shop have 250 Soft Shops, 75 Shop-in-Shops, 50 Mono-brand Stores and 2000 Multi-brand Stores across the globe. So much for me discovering a new brand…