[:en]The tiger can change his stripes[:sv]Ränderna kan visst gå ur[:]

Fashion, Life itself May 23, 2017 thomasfalkenstedt.com

[:en]I realize I haven’t gone in depth in a blog post regarding what’s happening in my life lately, so I thought it was time for a recap of what’s up. What’s up now is that I’ve been doing some cleaning, both literally and metaphorically. Finishing projects, physically cleaning my apartment, but also cleaning out my thoughts and trying to get to terms with myself. There are things about me I never thought I could do, change or achieve. I have done that, and to be honest, in a much broader perspective than I expected. My entire life has changed for the better. This post was supposed to be one of those “live in the present and rejoice over what you’ve achieved” moments that I talk about so much, but following my own advice on that has been hard. Never satisfied, always looking for the next thing. I’ve realized it’s not as much about not being able to enjoy my currents situation, it’s actually about escaping what’s going on in my head.

Escaping from what? Well, in my head there are a lot of things I am trying to suppress, to keep away. Thinking about my next move career wise or in life in general consumes all of my brain activity and by escaping like this I sacrifice the joy of celebrating my achievements. It helps me to flee from those thoughts that come crawling to you right before you’re about to sleep. In my case I’m a bit bipolar when it comes to the term ‘being worried’. In many ways I’ve worked myself through darkness up to a level of happiness I had not known for a long, long time. However, I’m always worried, despite the fact that I’m stronger than ever and have huge confidence both in myself and what I do for a living. Why do I worry as it’s extremely time and energy consuming? That’s why I try to fool myself to go with the flow and with the thought that everything will work out, one way or another. And so far it has, so fooling myself by worrying about things is one way to go, but I don’t want to live my life escaping things I need to face.

When those unexpected moments come creeping you’re all of a sudden left alone with your thoughts. When you accidentally open the door to memories past you’ve tried so hard to, if not suppress, at least learn to live with. They come along so unexpectedly. Today I was looking for an accreditation document for New York Fashion Week Men’s and happened to open up a folder on my laptop. The folder wore the name of the person who used to be my everything, my greatest love. I respect him and his decision not to keep in touch with me, but opening that folder was when I went from being superman to that tiny, lonely and hopelessly lost little boy. I looked through some pictures, read some messages and even a letter from him to me. That was love. True love.But it’s also a thing of the past. Some of my closest friends and family members reading this might be slightly annoyed I even bring this up, but mending a broken heart takes time. In midst of all success, there’s a hint of failure. In all popularity, there’s a hint of loneliness. In all hope, there is worry. Having lost something so precious to me once has made me extremely scared of love. So to everyone asking why I’m single, here’s why: I’m scared to death of love, to love, of being loved. I’ve been told to let go, to give love a chance. Focusing on making me feel good, look good, being successful, enjoying life and what not certainly takes focus away from the pain, but the fact is, it’s still there. It always will be in one way or another and just like any other loss I will live with it.

So why the title of the post? Well. mainly because a tiger can change his stripes and I most certainly have changed mine. I’ve kept what’s good in me, removed most of the bad and added even more of the good stuff. I’d honestly want to say that I today am one hell of a lucky, happy, blessed and freaking gorgeous human being. I love people and am loved by many (even if not by all). To end this almost personal ad sounding post I’d want to say that next time you’re in doubt of who I am or what the truth behind me is, ask me. I’m an open book and have nothing to hide anymore. I’ve left my dark days behind and am embracing life, by the grace of God. Hello, I’m Thomas. Now you know how I’m feeling.

Top: Cubus
Jeans: H&M
Sneakers: Jim Rickey

Photographer: Linda Andersson[:sv]Jag insåg precis att jag inte gått in på djupet om hur jag mår och vad som händer i mitt liv på ett bra tag och kände att en liten livsuppdatering var på sin plats. Vad jag gör utåt har ni för det mesta koll på, men det är vad som sker inom mig som inte kommit till tals på sistone. Jag har ägnat mig åt att få livet att normaliseras något. Jag har ägnat mig åt att städa, både rent praktiskt, men även metaforiskt. Jag har städat mitt hem, men även försökt klura ut vad det är som försiggår i mitt huvud just nu. Det finns saker som jag trodde jag aldrig skulle kunna göra, ändra på eller uppnå. Ändå har jag gjort just allt detta och i ärlighetens namn i mycket större skala än jag ens själv hade trott eller hoppats på. Hela mitt liv har förändrats i grunden, till det bättre. Det här inlägget skulle egentligen handla om dessa “att leva i nuet och uppskatta det man har” predikan jag skriver om, men är ack så dålig på att leva efter deviser jag lär ut. Jag har dock förstått att min oförmögenhet att leva i nuet inte handlar så mycket om att jag inte vill eller kan njuta av vad jag uppnått, utan snarare om ett flyktbeteende.

Genom att inte stanna upp, utan istället till 100% fokusera på vad komma skall, flyr jag från tankar jag försökt hålla borta. Om än inte förtränga, åtminstone inte låta komma fram till ytan. Genom att göra detta offrar jag lyckan av att kunna njuta av att leva i nuet och det är ett förjäkligt högt pris att betala för att komma undan de där tankarna som kan göra sig påminda i småtimmarna. Jag är smått kluven när det kommer till att oroa sig och att vara orolig. På många sätt och vis har jag jobbat mig igenom mörkret och nått en lyckonivå jag inte känt på väldigt, väldigt länge. Trots att jag är starkare än någonsin och har otroligt bra självförtroende både vad gäller mig själv och det jag gör för mitt levebröd oroar jag mig. Jag försöker lura hjärnan att inte vara orolig genom att bara låta saker och ting flyta på och lita på att allt löser sig på ett eller annat sätt och hittills har de gjort just det. Ytterligare ett sätt att lura mig själv på med andra ord, men jag vill inte leva ett liv där jag ständigt är på flykt från saker jag måste bemöta.

Sakerna jag flyr ifrån kan komma från ingenstans och oftast kommer de väldigt oväntat. När jag av misstag öppnar dörren till minnen från det förflutna som jag jobbat så hårt på att, om inte förtränga, åtminstone lära mig att leva med känns det ibland hopplöst. Idag var en sådan dag. Jag letade efter ett dokument som behövs för ackrediteringen till modeveckan i New York och i mappen på datorn jag letade i fanns också en mapp med ett namn på en person som var mitt allt inte alltför länge sedan. Jag respekterar honom och hans beslut att inte ha någon kontakt med mig, men när jag öppnade mappen kom syndafloden forsande över mig. Jag blev dränkt i tankar och blev ensam, liten och fruktansvärt vilsen. Jag kollade igenom några bilder, läste några meddelanden och till och med ett brev från honom till mig. Det var kärlek. Äkta kärlek. Men det tillhör också det förflutna. Vissa av mina närmaste vänner och familjemedlemmar kanske kommer att bli smått irriterade att jag fortfarande ältar detta, men att lappa ihop ett brustet hjärta är inte lätt och det tar tid. Mitt i all framgång finns en underton av nederlag, bland all popularitet en ocean av ensamhet, i allt hopp en känsla av oro. Att ha förlorat något så stort har satt sina spår. Jag är galet rädd för kärlek. Att älska. Bli älskad. Jag har blivit uppmuntrad till att ge kärleken en chans, att släppa taget. Att fokusera på att må bra, se bra ut och vara framgångsrik, njuta av livet och allt det där gör att fokus tas bort från smärtan, men faktum är att den finns där. Likt vilken förlust som helst kommer den alltid att finnas där på ett eller annat sätt. Jag måste helt enkelt leva med det.

Själva rubriken för inlägget då? Tja, ordspråk är inte huggna i sten och ränderna kan visst gå ur, man kan ändras. Jag har behållit allt det goda som finns i mig, tagit bort det mesta dåliga och lagt till ytterligare bra grejer. Ärligt talat skulle jag vilja säga att jag idag är en sjuhelvetes lyckligt lottad, glad, välsignad och jäkligt underbar människa. Jag älskar människor och är älskad av många (om än inte alla). För att avsluta detta inlägg som mer eller mindre börjar låta som en kontaktannons vill jag bara tillägga: Om du någonsin har frågor kring vem jag är, vem som döljer sig bakom ytan eller vad sanningen är, fråga mig. Jag är som en öppen bok och har inget att dölja längre. Jag har lämnat mörkret bakom mig och jag lever mitt liv fullt ut. Hej, jag heter Thomas. Välkommen till hur jag har det.

Tröja: Cubus
Jeans: H&M
Sneakers: Jim Rickey

Fotograf: Linda Andersson[:]

[:en]When you’re never satisfied[:sv]När man aldrig är nöjd[:]

Att samla lån online

Bli självförsöjande på el?

New York Fashion Week Men’s SS18

2017

[:en]How to be confident[:sv]Hur man blir självsäker[:]

[:en]When life is good, really good[:sv]När livet visar sig från sin ljusaste sida[:]

[:en]Be yourself, be fabulous, be schizofrenic[:sv]Finns inget sexigare än självförtroende[:]

Glöm inte att låsa cykeln!

Se över ditt elabonnemang – spara på pengar och miljön

60 Comments

Cristofer
May 23, 2017 at 10:47 pm

You’re the strongest person I’ve ever met. We all have fear. Fear drives us.

You have faced your fears. Challenged yourself. Gone through facing those fears not knowing what would happen. That is a sign of true courage. We all admire you for that.

I think you know that, sometimes, just touching on your story – brings out fear in others. Fear of who they themselves are. What they have inside. Cause we all have things we’re not proud of. Things we fear. Things in ourselves that we don’t let out.

Not only did you have the guts to face your fears. You have the courage to show vulnerability still. To show who you truly are. Deep inside.

You’re the most courageous person I know. I admire that. I admire you.
You will always be my brother.
Gracie
May 24, 2017 at 12:16 am

Thomas, my grandfather has always told me to never worry about something that you have no control or cannot do anything about it. I have many some big decisions lately and about to leave home to start college. Sounds like you are on the road to letting go of your many worries. And I know to love and be loved can be very heart warming. Way to go!

Xxgracie

snappedbygracie.com
Mariann yip
May 24, 2017 at 1:37 am

I can definitely relate to how you’ve been feeling. I am afraid of love and always have been. It’s important to love yourself and be selfish but I also think it’s natural to want company. I think life works in mysterious ways so I would recommend to focus on your goals and everything including love will happen naturally! It’s all about timing 🙂
Christine Kong
May 24, 2017 at 1:45 am

I love your vulnerablilty because it makes your stronger. You have truly come so far and have so much to be proud of. Im quite the opposite of you and hardly worry and only tend to let worrisome thoughts enter my mind if and when I need to. While we can say worrying is a waste of time it also is apart of what makes you human and to anticipate and prepare for what is to come. There is a balance and I think you finding it. As for love. It’s hella scary. Love and loss. They almost go hand in hand sadly. But you will find it again and it will be greater than what you lost before. Just focus on yourself and what’s meant to be will most certainly happen. I believe that! Xoxo, Christine
http://dailykongfidence.com/
Samjah
May 24, 2017 at 2:44 am

Wow Thomas. It felt like I was reading s good book that I didn’t want to end! I too need to stay out of my head. I bring up a lot of things that I can’t do anything about yet I still ponder on them. Now back to you, it seems you don’t give yourself the credit you deserve. You’ve done great things. Embrace them and be proud of them. One day you’ll look back and wish you had smelled the roses more. Great post! And don’t be afraid to love again.
Jessie
May 24, 2017 at 3:00 am

Thanks for sharing your life and your thoughts with us Thomas. I totally feel you and I see that there are so many moving aspects in your life and sometimes it’s hard to anchor onto something stable when everything else in life are shifting. Hanging there. What doesn’t kill us in life makes us stronger! I can totally see the light at the end of the tunnel for you and the NYFW this September will be so amazing and rewarding for you!

xx, Jessie
http://4evajessie.com/the-new-orgasm-collection-from-nars/
Stephanie
May 24, 2017 at 3:10 am

I’m always so grateful for your transparency. It’s a breath of fresh air in this blogging world where so many things can feel like just the surface rather than the heart. Ahh and I do so well understand lost love and the fear of it after. But I also know the finding of love after a wounded heart (or brutally beaten one) and I sure know it’s possible for someone as lovable as you! Keep staying strong and fighting for what you believe in. I’m so proud of you!

Stephanie // SheSawStyle.com
Barb Brooks ~ SouthernBlondeChic
May 24, 2017 at 3:32 am

Doubting Thomas . . .

I love this post. So raw and so real – and that’s no easy task. I have recently gone through some major life changes – and no, not the enjoyable kind- and can totally relate to that late night angst. Finding that I give great advice but finding it a bit harder to swallow myself.
I will say this – worry isn’t your friend and fear steals any life you’ve redeemed for yourself.
I always say. . . Things WILL work out. Life has a way of taking care of itself and it may not end up looking exactly as you’d hoped or believed but tomorrow the sun will come up and most likely you’ll brush your teeth – take a deep breath and don’t push so hard – you’ve made it somehow this far and you’ll just keep going – any other options aren’t nearly as intriguing♥️ Now, get some sleep:)
Sheree
May 24, 2017 at 8:54 am

You are such a eloquent writer and you know I adore you for your transparency. Even the most confident person will have moments of doubt and insecurities and fear. I completely understand the feeling of not feeling content even after a large achievement, always wanting more. But it is that precise need for more that pushes the strong to go even further, to push more boundaries both internal and externally. This is a celebratory post for your achievement and you certainly have much to be proud of!

xo Sheree
Posh Classy Mom
Jennifer Quattrucci
May 24, 2017 at 12:34 pm

Dear (My) Tommy,
This entire post is a tribute to how far you’ve come and also reminds of why I was first attracted to you in the first place. You are completely and 100% genuine and pure. You are amazing in your creative way of seeing and influencing the world but mostly amazing in the way your heart and mind work together and allow you to truly feel. To truly feel. That’s what you do and why your heart gets broken. I am begging you to never change this and to give Love a chance always. If I didn’t I would be in an entirely different situation and I doubt I could feel the peace and happiness I feel. But you know it’s because I didn’t give up and I allowed myself to truly be myself and feel. You will find the one that will make you realize why it didn’t work out with others . I promise and don’t forget, love is all around. Non- romantic love is also fulfilling very important.
I love you , Tommy!
Jenny ( your Jenny )
Samantha Mariko
May 24, 2017 at 3:21 pm

Thomas, I think we were twins in a different life. Every point you mentioned, I could really really relate to. With everything I do, I’m satisfied for only a fleeting moment then it’s “Ok, what’s next?” and I feel like I’m always looking into the future and not completely enjoyed the successes of the moment. I’ve also been single for almost a year now and because my last relationship ended so badly, I’m so cautious now… With that said, I’m sending you lots of positive vibes from Japan <3 I think there is a lot to look forward to!
Taylor Mobley
May 24, 2017 at 5:04 pm

Thank you for opening yourself up! This post was emotionally raw and very well written. Learning to love again after having your heartbroken is very tough but I promise that your next love (your forever love, hopefully) is worth the heartache now. If my heart hadn’t been broken to tiny pieces, I wouldn’t have had to pick myself up and become strong and independent. And if I hadn’t become the woman I am today, I never would have met my husband. And he truly is everything I could have wanted and more. The love I thought I knew was like a teaspoon size compared to the love I feel for my husband. It will come. You are AWESOME and you deserve so much happiness. Thank you for writing!
Anthony @oh_anthonio
May 24, 2017 at 7:00 pm

This is such a heartfelt and candid post! Glad you’ve embraced the good and let go of the bad. Cheers to you Thomas! <3
Ria
May 24, 2017 at 10:09 pm

I too am never satisfied and constantly looking for the next thing. It’s hard to escape our own heads sometimes
Aimara
May 24, 2017 at 11:49 pm

Thanks for sharing another beautiful and inspiring post Thomas. I relate to this so much, and I think you know that since we’ve been reading each other blogs for quite a while now.
I’m so happy for this little update on your life. I’m so bad at following my own advice as well, but seriously Tom, you’ve achieved so much, yet I don’t blame you for thinking about what’s next, because that’s part of who we are as human beings. We need to evolve.
My advice? Yes, think about what you want and keep improving yourself, but don’t let that to steal the thunder of what you’re doing now ok?
And about love? Oh my friend… Don’t know your whole story, but I’ve lost a great love myself as well. A love that was with me since I was 15 and who I married to. We decided to split two years ago, and I was miserable and I shut down to everyone for a long time. After much praying (God def got me through that) one day, I felt healed. And today, I’m happy to say that I opened up my heart to someone else and it has been amazing. Still afraid of getting hurt, but I think it’s SO worth it!! You’ll meet someone that you just won’t be able to resist 😉
Sending much love your way!
XO
Aimara
http://www.waysofstyle.com
PS: LOVING THE STRIPES!!!!!
Jo
May 25, 2017 at 12:39 am

I can relate so much to so many of your feelings here. I think I was born worrying about things and have a tendency to go over things in my head over and over. I’ve been practicing mindfulness more and more lately and find it’s been helpful for me to stay in the moment as well as being kinder to myself. Still, your post has resonated so much with me because I still have days when I feel like I regress and go back to my worrying or I find myself opening the ex-files when I know I shouldn’t (why oh why?!) It happens and I know that’s okay, it’s all part of the journey of life. Thanks for sharing your a piece of your heart with us, Thomas. Have a great rest of the week xoxo
samira
May 25, 2017 at 4:59 am

this is such a beautiful post Thomas, I can totally relate to some of this and I really think it’s so brave of you to share. Life is such a roller coaster but its all just a part of the journey 🙂

Best,
samira
http://www.leathertolunch.com
Iliana
May 25, 2017 at 5:23 am

I love this kind of raw posts, when you are so transparent with us. It’s so encouraging for me. It’s something I want to start trying on my blog.
As far as loosing love I completely understand you. I’ve been there before and I can promise you that you’ll get out of it and you will find it again. Not only because you deserve it but because God is good!

Xx
Iliana | http://www.sophisticatedfashionista.com
Bernice
May 25, 2017 at 5:54 am

Thomas your resilience and determination to move on with your life shows how strong, and courageous you are. Best of luck and sending loving vibes your way xx

https://www.bunnybernice.com/single-post/2017/05/25/Warm-Makeup-Look-with-Colourpop-Cosmetics
marcy
May 25, 2017 at 7:27 am

Thomas I have to say I really missed your personal post!!! The way you open yourself to your readers is just to real and honest. I really feel very similar to you because Im also thinking is whats coming next that sometimes I forget just to enjoy the present. My last relationship ended very bad and when I moved a few months I found all those ex files but good or bad it just part of the experience of life. Im sure we will find someone amazing 🙂 Sending you lots of hugs from Panama

xo
Marcy
Jenelle
May 25, 2017 at 10:00 am

I always love your honesty! Your posts are by far one of my favourite reads, not a lot of people care to put their experiences into words to share so openly. Heartbreak is a tricky beast, isn’t it? It is all too easy to fall into old thought patterns, but they are just that, old and outdated. Living in the moment you don’t realise time slipping by, so you have no need to worry or think back. Easier said than done, I know. But you got this. I believe in you!
x Jenelle
http://www.inspiringwit.com
Open Kloset
May 25, 2017 at 4:43 pm

Hey Dearest Thomas,
Thank you for sharing this Deep and sooo Emotional Post. I understand you 100%, Our Mind and Head not easy, We always thinking 100 steps ahead and We sometimes just Worry too much and we are Living in the Future not in The Present.
For me Meditation helped a Lot to calm my mind.
I am very sad that you had a Big Heartbreak and you still Recovering, But Try to Love Yourself and Believe that : You Deserve to Be Happy and Loved without Pain!
I hope you Find a Love and you will be Happy:)
Love Kisses
Hows you?
Love Kisses
Open Kloset By Karina
Charissa
May 25, 2017 at 5:53 pm

You rock love! I can totally feel what you mean and a heart once broken is difficult to heal. And you know what, it will never be. But you’ll learn to live with it, accept it, give it a place and to move on. It’s okay to feel shitty sometimes, as long as you don’t let it affect your life and happiness.
XO Charissa || http://www.ladygoldapple.com ||
LAFOTKA
May 25, 2017 at 10:35 pm

You are so amazing. For being open. For admitting how you feel and for being honest with yourself most importantly. No point in denying how you feel, but acknowledge and let those feelings be felt – because there’s no space for them in the future. Feel them now 🙂

Tatyana x
LAFOTKA
Coco
May 26, 2017 at 12:51 am

Authenticity will save you. It’s ok not be ok all the time. This doesn’t mean you are not acting positively to achieve success and happiness. It means you’re not burying your fears down where they can cause so much damage. This is your evolution, your personal growth. Relations which have been broken by unhealthy behavioural patterns are rarely mended, because bad feelings and impossible situations have corrupted them for good. It’s not anybody’s fault. But both of you need to move on for your own well being. I think that when you find inside yourself the balance between your fears and your excitement, by totally accepting and loving yourself, then true love will find you. Stripes compliment you tiger. Tons of love my friend! Valeria
Morgan Ryan
May 26, 2017 at 1:34 am

Your content is always superb! Love the stripes and overall look 🙂

Morgan Ryan
June 4, 2017 at 11:53 pm

Now that I found your translate button – wow this post speaks to me so much. I’ve been doing a lot of cleaning up as well and making room for things. It’s been difficult to welcome new projects without finishing the old ones. This line spoke to me most: Escaping from what? Well, in my head there are a lot of things I am trying to suppress, to keep away. Thinking about my next move career.

I feel like you’re speaking about me.

Xx,
M

Jenn Hanft
May 26, 2017 at 6:20 am

Aww Thomas, you have grown tremendously and I love that you’re able to be more positive and happier than before but don’t ever feel like you need to put on a front when you don’t feel okay. It’s okay to not be okay. We are all human and yes, broken hearts take time to heal. And time is just a vague term because it will never fully heal to the point where you were before hand. That’s just how life works but each person we meet and obstacle we face helps develop who we are and it’s always great to be thankful of that. It may hurt but I always believe things happen for a reason and we’re all stronger because of those life experiences. You deserve happiness!!! Don’t let yourself get in the way of that, sometimes 🙂

With love, Jenn
https://www.jubilantdose.com/
Lana
May 26, 2017 at 2:53 pm

That post is so strong! I’ve found myself in it, especially “Never satisfied, always looking for the next thing”. That is so me, I never celebrate my achievements, only focus on my fails. I have to stop it and I’m glad that you’ve stoped already. I’ve said that your life became better – that is the mail thing, I hope everything will become better and better for you, you deserve it!
Aleksandra Ladygin
May 27, 2017 at 11:09 am

To clean the thoughts sometimes is more important then apartments. You are awesome writer. Sometimes i just don’t want to share with my life and my thoughts. But i am always happy to read yours. Thank you for the post, your outit is really cool!
Candace
May 28, 2017 at 12:51 am

You should definitely let go of what you’re feeling and give love a chance! Believe me, I’ve dated numerous men in my earlier years and have been hurt to the point that I felt like just not dating ever again and dating myself. Thankfully I gave it one last chance and found my match. I definitely agree that mending a broken heart takes time. You’re stronger than you think, trust me 🙂 You already know I’m loving this look too. Distressed jeans are my fave!

http://www.thebeautybeau.com
candi
May 28, 2017 at 2:30 am

Wow, thank you for opening up about yourself, this was a refreshing, lovely read. I’m kinda like you – I think too much, I worry all the time, even right now, so I totally relate. I’m trying not to think so much too, I wanted to try meditation, but whenever I’ve tried it, I can’t keep the thoughts out of my head anyway so it doesn’t work haha. I’ve just started using essential oils a couple of months ago, and it’s helped me. You could maybe look into that? They calm me down.

About love – you know what they say, it’ll come to you when you least expect it. It sounds SO SO cliche, and I was so tired of hearing about that, but it’s true! I wish you all good things 🙂

XO Candi
thelollychase.com
Kate Tik
May 28, 2017 at 3:55 am

I feel like your posts always make me feel like I know you a bit more. Thank you for sharing your life journey with us. I’m also loving your striped sweater. Hehe.

katetik.com
Natalia k
May 28, 2017 at 9:54 am

Thanks Thomas for sharing that personal post I feel like I know you better now,love is a hard thing isn’t it like the quote -it’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all? Right?,I’m not sure if you will agree with it but it’s part of life and you will find another love it’s all part of the path we as humans weave
Xo,
Natalia k
Jordan Chapman
May 28, 2017 at 8:22 pm

As someone whose heart is also on the mend, I identify so much with this. I don’t know if the heart ever fixes itself completely, but it does get easier. I’ve spent the last few weeks escaping everything at home, mostly because I’m traveling. If I wasn’t, I’m sure I’d be a mess and a wreck about 98% of the time. Running is something that I do all my life, but I want to stop running, so let’s do that together. It’s amazing to see how far you’ve come, whether you know it or not. We each have triggers and I’ve had a similar one just before I read this post which made me feel small as well. Feeling small and helpless is a part of being human, but the other part is having people to lift you back up and feeling whole again. It sounds impossible, but you’ve seen that it really isn’t all too farfetched. There’s so much in this world we want to escape from, but sometimes you don’t get to escape, and that’s alright. We are all human and fragile beings in being so. You’ve put a lot of my feelings into words and I’m happy to know that I’m not alone, just as you should know that you aren’t alone. Love and opening yourself up is scary, but one day, you’ll find someone who makes you feel true love again and fills whatever is missing and it won’t be as scary (at least I hope that’s true or I’m out of luck). You’ve grown so much from all of your life experiences and I’m glad you never backed down from all of the fear life can place in us. <3
Jordan xx
http://thehatlogic.com
Eva
May 28, 2017 at 9:34 pm

I remember a few months ago you talked about this feeling. Think of those who have not found it all her life, True love is hard to find it. You found it, maybe forsnt was enough. But you’re experienced something special. I hope you can open your heart again in the future, you deserve it dear Thomas ❤️
Xx
Eva
http://www.themermaidfashion.com
Martina caruso
May 29, 2017 at 4:57 pm

Che belle foto tesoro veramente fatte a regola d’arte??? complimenti e buon inizio settimana⚘

View my last post —>> http://mcaruso930.blogspot.it/2017/05/bikini-bordeaux.html?m=0
❤❤
Michelle
May 29, 2017 at 9:12 pm

So glad to hear you’re doing well Thomas – it’s been a while since you got this deep. I love how honest and open you are – most people hide their true selves and can’t see themselves truthfully. And personally, I would have deleted that folder. I have a hard time looking back and it makes it harder for me to move forward when I take a walk down my memory lane of regrets. Hang in there – you never know where you’ll be in a year or even a week sometimes. Your true forever love is just around the corner…
XO
http://www.lehoarder.com/
Helen Chik
May 30, 2017 at 2:48 am

I love reading your personal posts Thomas because they’re just so honest and RAW. We all have this creeping feeling of anxiety and worry and a lot of the time, we don’t even know what we’re worrying about. We’re worrying about things that haven’t happen or may never happen but the possibility of it happening can ruin us. I’ve also had those moments where something reminds me of a specific ex who I call my “soul mate” and it tears me apart inside and is a constant battle but we learn with time how to remind ourselves everything happens for a reason and we come out of every experience a better version of our previous selves.

Love ya!

Helen xx
http://helenchik.com
Dom
May 30, 2017 at 3:38 am

Dear Tommy, you know as I was reading this post the theme from Lilo & Stitch “He Mele No Lilo” came on and I honestly felt uplifted reading your post as the music in the song grew larger and larger. Where to start? Let’s just get the outfit out of the way and then talk about you. I love the stripes. I can’t pull off stripes but you my friend pull it off and kill it, as you did with this whole look. You and I relate to each other so much. We’re not afraid to get raw and real, and that’s why I love you. We meet in the middle and regardless of our differences, we understand each other. Let me start with your previous relationship. I know a little about your past with your ex, and my heart goes out to you buddy. You and I both know things happen for a reason and you loosing him happened. It just goes to show that something better, something more is gonna happen for you down the line. You and I are like a caterpillar going through metamorphosis over and over. We shed our skin and blossom into a butterfly and keep doing that until we take the good pieces of our past self and our present self and combine the 2 and see where we go from there. I know everything is gonna work out fine for you my friend. You hang in there and keep being you. Your journey may seem unclear sometimes, but you have yet to reach the depth of how far you’ll go. I literally just said that cause “How Far I’ll Go” from Moana just came on haha. Keep living the fairytale that is your life my friend, Happily Ever After will come one day.
Love, Dom.
Luke Ross
May 30, 2017 at 8:00 am

You are such a strong, determinate and resourceful person Thomas, you have the ability to do whatever you set your mind to and you have come on such leaps and bounds striving to better yourself and your situation. I wish you all the happiness and hope you find what you are looking for!
Sharon Wu
May 30, 2017 at 3:03 pm

Thanks for sharing a bit more about what’s going on in your life lately Thomas! It’s so great to hear that you’re evolving and improving yourself though — changing stripes can be a really good thing! I think that all of us do as we get older and wiser 😉 hehe sending you lots of love! xo, sharon

http://www.stylelullaby.com/beauty/clarins-lip-comfort-oil-plump-pout-repeat/
Wanderlustts
May 30, 2017 at 4:21 pm

It’s always nice when bloggers let their readers enter a bit into their lives and see what’s been going on. Love that you are sharing what you’ve been up to for those curious!
It’s so important to always improve yourself and evolve because we should all aim to be the best version of us that we could be. I know no matter where you are in life or how much you have accomplished, it’s easy to find yourself overwhelmed and anxious, it’s really just human nature. But we just have to see it through and push ourselves as you clearly are. It’s great you are able to express and share your thoughts and concern because it means you have a better understanding of what’s been eating at you. Hope for the best Thomas,

Wanderlustts
http://www.wanderlustts.com
amanda
May 30, 2017 at 7:01 pm

I always love your honesty and vulnerability of your post! From reading prior post, you seem to have come a very very long way! Give yourself grace in that! Getting out of your own head is really hard sometimes. I had some things in my life happen that I chose to suppress and not work through it and little by little it seeped out of me emotionally and it physically took a tole as well. I chose instead to just focus on work and not dealing with those emotions I was experiencing and it caused me to even resent work sometimes and not know WHY I was in such a funk! It’s tough to experience heart break in any form and it’s such a process. Finding that file was probably very bitter sweet and I’m not sure how much time it’s been but your stripes will change. Likely when you least expect it or are not looking for it! Also, I love your outfit! Such a classic top and your jeans are so perfect!

Manda | http://EvocaitvelyChosen.com
Diana
May 30, 2017 at 7:21 pm

So sorry to hear about sad love story, your fear, but we are all go through this moments in our life. Thank you for sharing, it is always great to read you, and get to know you and your feelings. You are truly such an amazing, strong person.

http://www.queenhorsfall.com/
Aurela lacaj
May 31, 2017 at 3:21 am

Thomas, this post made me realize what a great human being you are for opening up to the whole world on your failures and fears. Being vulnerable it takes strength and I admire you for it. I can relate to being worried non stop and never get satisfied with what I have or achieved. I am happy you are in a better place, doing what you love and working towards all your dreams. Sorry about your lost love but believe me you will find your next big one. And when you are ready you are going to let go of the past and fall in love again, believe me. I have been there and now I have found love again.
PS I am a stripe addict and this outfit is amazing!
Aurela xoxox
http://www.aurelafashionista.com
Eliza
May 31, 2017 at 8:35 am

Hey, Thomas! That’s so nice to hear, that everything in your life has changed for the better! That’s so true, sometimes it’s very hard to stop overthinking and it really distructs us from what is actually important. I have those days too, whe you’re left alone with your thought. And let’s face it, sometimes it’s good but most of the times – not at all. And the best thing is to let it go and to live the life. At least, try to do that. Better things happen to those who don’t give up and act.

I love your outfit here, these maritime vibes. And OMG those cut-out jeans are so fab!

Cheers, Eliza | http://www.fashion-confession.com
michenn
May 31, 2017 at 6:33 pm

I think worrying is good to a certain extent…I have to say I deal with that sometimes too, the uncertainty of where my life is going and what I’m going to do with my life and I stress myself out soooo much. At those times, I have to get myself into like a zen zone or I’ll remember to talk to my therapist about it. It can definitely get you down but you’re so positive and have such a great community around you…we’ve got you!
Maryam
May 31, 2017 at 8:16 pm

I can completely relate to you. I live in my head too much and unfortunately I worry a lot and I feel like it’s getting worse. Always looking into the future and worrying about it and trying to plan what’s next. But like you said, it’s because I’m trying to escape my present moment. It’s good to stop and enjoy the now but for some of us it’s hard. I also have been single for a while now, I had my heart broken pretty badly. But I’m sending you much love and wanted to tell you that you are such an inspiration!

xx, Maryam
http://www.glamandposh.com
Andreea Birsan
May 31, 2017 at 9:11 pm

Escaping is really important and I do have a lot of thoughts which are eating me up, but I guess only a getaway could help into relaxing and escaping. Anyways, I’m really proud of you and it’s lovely to see how you open up through posts like this one. It takes great strength to do that, and I admire you because of that :). Also a broken heart takes a lot of time to heal, I’ve also been single for ages and can’t seem to get along with anyone, but will eventually solve that one day. Sooner or later the love of your life will show up and will make you forget all the pain your heart suffered. Wishing you a lovely day! xx

Andreea,
http://couturezilla.com/
Jessica
May 31, 2017 at 10:11 pm

I really admire your bravery in sharing something so personal to you. I also love how you put your look together to match the theme of a tiger changing its stripes. It really shows how your growth affected you on a deeper level. Xo, Jessica
Vanessa Berlin
June 1, 2017 at 12:30 am

Love your post Thomas I like the fact that your life has changed for the better, sometimes it’s necessary to make some changes to get back in track or simply to feel better. The vulnerability is what makes us stronger and with positive energy you always find a way to feel great. At the end, such is life, and we need to be grateful about all the things this wonderful adventure offers to us. I especially love the title of your post, so creative! Your look is totally chic, I’m obsessed over stripes. They are always trendy and fun.
Thanks for sharing this post and open your heart with your readers. Love it!
Vanessa

http://thefashionstatement.net
Jacqueline
June 1, 2017 at 12:43 am

I love your posts! I know I say this every week but I literally looked over at her boyfriend and said ” I love reading something that is so well written you could feel what the person feels.” That’s how I felt reading this post. Eventually those memories will be distant and you won’t be reliving them in your mind. I know falling in love is scary but when you’re ready there’s gonna be some awesome human out there ready to meet you and fall right in love. I love your courage and transparency! You truly are one of a kind
Warren Pasi
June 1, 2017 at 1:11 am

Thanks for sharing such a great post babe! I’m so proud to see how far you’ve come considering what you have been through and can’t wait to you develop more into the amazing strong man I know you are. Also looking super handsome as always in these pieces. XXOWP
Lily Rose
June 1, 2017 at 5:25 pm

First I love the fact that you used the title to talk about how you have changed, removed the bad, added the good to be the beautiful inside and out Thomas that you are today. But at the same time, I can see how the title is fitting to your outfit today, the chic stripe sweat shirt from Cubus. Every post of yours is so well thought out Thomas.
Second, I appreciate you pouring out your thoughts and emotions for us. I’ve recently lost my job and it has to be the hardest thing for me to overcome. I thought negative thoughts because it’s hard for me to sustain this lifestyle without a paying job, and that has had me worried every day. But I have to look back at the other things I achieved and that we’re expecting a new member to our family (it is a joy and it could be a stress). And I know what you mean by the need to escape the negative and worried thoughts. But let’s use that as motivation to keep pushing through this stressful life. Best of luck to you, Thomas. You are strong and you are beautiful. Cheers.

-Lily from With Love Lily Rose
Kirsten Wendlandt
June 2, 2017 at 11:33 am

Thomas, I am exactly like you in that I let my concerns, stresses and plans for the future often overshadow my current achievements and successes. It is so important to learn to get out of your head and celebrate where you are and what you are doing right now, rather than always worrying about the future. You are so unbelievably strong, for not only facing your thoughts, both past and present, but for sharing them with all of us. I always look forward to reading what you have to say.
Meg
June 3, 2017 at 3:43 am

I know exactly what you mean. I am always looking for the next step, what can make my life better. Be it a project in my house, the next step in my career, or even the next place I want to live. I am always looking to the future rather than living in the present. This was a great reminder that I need to try to enjoy the present.
Ana Vukosavljevic
June 5, 2017 at 9:45 am

That feeling you are having is completely normal! Don’t worry there is person waiting for you and you are going to be able to love someone again, I promise you that! But only when you are ready and you aren’t yet. Just focus on yourself and don’t let these thoughts ruin you, your love will come when the time is right!

And you are looking great as per usual! 🙂

Sending lots of love,
Ana
Alyssa Moore
June 7, 2017 at 4:32 am

Thomas! You are breaking free! You are coming out of your shell. You are cleaning your mind, body, and soul. Keep up the good work. Allow things to flow beautiful. Remember everything happens for a reason xo.
Jen
June 10, 2017 at 6:33 am

I love your boldness and willingness to share your story with us. I think it’s important to be thankful for everything that you have. It’s so much easier said than done and I struggle with it too, but the moment you lose gratitude, you compare and dig an unending hole for yourself. You are fabulous and wonderful. Never forget all the wonderful work you’ve done and all that you’re going to do!