[:en]This is not going to be a step-by-step guide in how you can gain confidence within matter of minutes. To be honest, all those are crap, although there are some truths in them. There are no shortcuts to happiness, becoming rich, successful, or as in this case, confident.
Let me start off by saying that I am still struggling with body issues and am not at all confident when I look in the mirror. One thing that does annoy me is that women think they are the only ones who have pressure from media and society to look a certain way. My dear female readers, take a look at any catalogue, billboard ad or magazine and look at the men in those. They’re most probably perfectly toned, have perfect abs as well as a perfect jawline and chin bones. I work in an industry surrounded by stunning people and often feel like I’m the ugly duckling among them. That is, if I let it get to me.
It takes a lot of practice to actually accept yourself and your body for who you are and what it is. Me walking semi-nude on the streets on Manhattan was not in my wildest dreams a while ago and flaunting it to all you readers out there most certainly was not even an option. By time I however have come to accept my body as it is and despite the fact that I’m still working on it to become better, both for health reasons as well as pure aesthetics, I’m quite ok with what I have now and don’t feel all too ashamed to flaunt it out there openly although a few cops in New York didn’t quite agree, but I just closed my robe and that problem was solved quite easily…
I still don’t have an answer to how I got from hiding to being ever so confident. I’m not only talking about my body. My self confidence is rocketing sky high, without compromising on the fact of always being humble and nice to everyone. I’m not cocky, but I am out there. In every single way. I’m putting myself out for dissection every single day and it takes a while every night to put the pieces back together, but it’s totally worth it. Only by deconstructing and reconstructing yourself constantly you can achieve peace with yourself.
That inner peace comes across as self confidence which in its turn will attract people to you, whether it is in terms of friends, love or business. Focusing on problems won’t take you anywhere, focusing on solutions will.
The lesson to be learned from this is really just one. Face your fears. Put yourself out there and the world will welcome you. Perhaps not always with open arms, it might even welcome you with a slap in the face at times, but eventually karma bites back and what you give, you get back. I’m giving. All the time. Immensely. What is important to remember is that the person or thing you give of yourself to doesn’t necessarily have to be the source of reimbursement, but due to laws of karma, universe will pay you back in one way or another. I’ve personally experienced all that.
The robe and the boxers that I’m wearing are from Ron Dorff, a company with origins in both Stockholm and Paris and their take on clothing, swimwear, underwear and what not is that it should be luxurious, elegant, subtle, yet with a twist. When they handed me over these pieces in Paris, I’m not sure they quite had a photo shoot like this in mind, but they have no idea what they actually ventured into when they’ll see my pictures from Mykonos later this year, haha.
To end this golden hour shoot and text about confidence I do urge you to smile every once in a while. I smile all day long, despite the fact that it might be hard to believe from my pictures I’m putting out here. Pass a smile on to someone and the world will smile back at you. I promise!
Photographer: Kyra Ross[:sv]Det här är ingen steg-för-steg “såhär blir du lycklig för resten av ditt liv”-guide, utan snarare en beskrivning av hur jag övat upp både min självsäkerhet och byggt upp min självbild. Det finns inga genvägar till lycka, framgång, rikedom eller som i fallet med detta inlägg, självsäkerhet.
Till att börja med vill jag säga att jag kämpar med kroppsideal dagligen och det är ingen vacker syn som möter mig i spegeln. En sak som stör mig är att kvinnor anser att de är de enda som utsätts för omvärldens utseendefixering och kroppsideal. Ta en titt i valfri tidning, reklam, klädkatalog eller vad som helst så ser du att männen i dessa är så gott som perfekta med snyggt tonade kroppar, perfekta magrutor, käk- och kindben att dö för och i övrigt rätt så långt ifrån en vanlig mans kropp. Dock är det dessa ideal som styr och kvinnor (och män) förväntar sig att deras respektive ska se ut precis som på dessa bilder. Jag jobbar i en bransch där jag är omringad av vackra människor och ibland känns det som om jag är den fula ankungen som hamnat fel. Det vill säga, om jag tillåter mig att tänka så.
Det krävs en hel del övning för att uppnå den faktiska punkten i livet där du accepterar dig själv och din kropp för vad det är. Du kanske inte är perfekt och jag vet att jag själv aldrig kommer att tycka att jag är perfekt, men jag kämpar på med den villfarelsen. Att gå runt halvnaken på Manhattan fanns inte ens i mina vildaste drömmar ett tag sedan och att lägga ut bilderna här för er att beskåda fanns inte på världskartan. Gradvis har jag lärt mig att leva med min kropp och även om jag livet ut kommer att se till att den blir snyggare, både av hälso- och utseendeskäl, är jag rätt nöjd med hur jag ser ut till den grad att jag kastar mig ut med den i offentligheten, något polisen i New York inte var lika nöjda med, men det krävdes bara att jag stängde rock och så var det problemet löst…
Jag har fortfarande inget svar på frågan hur man tar sig från att gömma sig från världen till att blir självsäker utav helskotta. Jag pratar inte bara om kroppsideal här, utan syftar även på faktumet att min självkänsla och mitt självförtroende är högre än någonsin, utan att för den delen glömma bort att vara ödmjuk och trevlig mot alla. Jag är inte arrogant, men jag kastar mig ut i den vida världen varevigaste dag och låter mig själv dissekeras och granskas minutiöst. Ärligt talat tar det en stund varje kväll att sätta ihop pusselbitarna igen, men det är det värt. Enbart genom att dekonstruera dig själv och ditt sinne för att sedan rekonstruera dem om och om igen kommer du att finna sinnesro.
Denna sinnesro förmedlas sedan ut mot världen i form av självsäkerhet vilket i sin tur attraherar människor, vare sig det gäller vänner, kärlek eller jobb. Att fokusera på problemen tar dig ingenstans, att fokusera på lösningar är vad du ska ägna all din kraft på.
Om det finns en läxa att lära sig här så är det egentligen bara en. Lär dig bemöta dina rädslor. Sätt dig själv på prov och kasta dig ut i världen och världen kommer att omfamna dig. Kanske inte alltid med öppna armar utan stundom även med en käftsmäll, men förr eller senare kommer karma att ge dig vad du förtjänar. Jag ger av mig själv. Varje dag. Intensivt och mycket. Det som är viktigt att komma ihåg är att det inte alltid är personen eller objektet du ger till som kommer att återgälda dig, men enligt karma kommer universum, från ibland oväntat håll, att ge dig tillbaka mångfaldigt allt det du gett av. Jag har personligen varit med om just detta.
Rocken och boxershortsen jag har på mig är från Ron Dorff, som har sina rötter i både Stockholm och Paris och deras kläder, vilket inkluderar alltifrån underkläder, badkläder till basplagg, är lyxiga, eleganta, subtila, men med en tvist. När de gav mig dessa kläder i Paris är jag inte säker på att de hade en plåtning likt denna i åtanke, men då har de heller inte en vildaste aning om vad jag har planerat för Mykonos senare i höst, haha.
För att avsluta denna plåtning som ägde rum under gyllene timmen (när ljuset är som vackrast) vill jag be dig att le. Själv ler jag mest hela dagarna, även om det kan vara svårt att tro med tanke på att det sällan sker på bild. Le mot någon och världen kommer att le tillbaka mot dig. Jag lovar.
CristoferAugust 15, 2017 at 11:31 pm
The world smiles back. With much love and admiration for someone who faced his fears.
There is no limit, no goals you will not reach.
The world is at your feet.
Mariann yipAugust 16, 2017 at 12:21 am
This blog post makes me so happy because you know how I feel about confidence. I wasn’t always confident in myself either but I think faking it till you make it really helps because eventually you end up just believing in it. In no ways do I think you come off cocky but like you said it’s all about putting yourself out there. Your energy and outlook on life is what I truly admire and know that’s why I know we’ll get along 🙂
Jennifer QuattrucciAugust 16, 2017 at 12:21 am
Thank you so much for this and at just the right time!! I was actually about to delete a couple hundred pictures from my feed earlier today and quite possibly give up the fashion blogging. Not just because of lack of confidence but a whole bunch of reasons. I love how you talk about putting yourself out there and trusting in karma. I have to agree and keep on smiling! As for the bix
Jennifer QuattrucciAugust 16, 2017 at 12:25 am
My comment got cut off!!
As for the boxers and robe they are exceptional and I checked out the complete line over at Ron Dorff and it’s all amazing!
Thank you so much for another beautiful and inspiring post! Can’t wait to see more, especially the Mykonos shoot!!
( Your) Jenny
Kamen KamenovAugust 16, 2017 at 12:27 am
Hey babe… here i can only tell you one of my fave quotes: ”Smile! It confuses people!”
I can see so much of me in that blog post, that it is almost creepy in a way! I think you and I had the same thoughts these past days since my new blog post is somehow connected with so much you are saying.
I really loved how you say that you put yourself for a dissection and put the pieces back together every evening… there is so much thought and truth to that, but also tragedy and love. This is the post that i admire the most….PS i admire them all. U look great, inside and out. And that bathrobe is cool too, but who is watching the robe when there is so much more to see.
Have a great day and stay that way
amandaAugust 16, 2017 at 1:32 am
So, I love your outfit. lol But seriously your robe is great! Snaps for you for doing this in NY on busy streets none the less. You are so right. Men deal with the same body issues women do. It can be tough for sure. My early twenties I was confident (honestly too confident) then I had babies and had to go through the process of learning confidence again and being okay with my body. Here at 28 I feel rested in that. For me even more than looks, I feel like confidence is being accepting of you are in all facets! There is so much truth in everything you’ve just said!
Manda | EvocativelyChosen.com
Gina DiazAugust 16, 2017 at 2:04 am
You always are so inspiring with your post! this definitely applies to me and challenges me to face my fears in every single way. My favorite line from the post is focusing on solutions. Yes, this is the key! love the boxers and robe you are wearing. And also, the shots at the golden hour in NYC. Love to smile every time I can :)))
Anthony @oh_anthonioAugust 16, 2017 at 3:28 am
Loving the body positivity and confidence you preach and possess in this post! It takes a lot of guts and you have them!
Samantha MarikoAugust 16, 2017 at 4:06 am
You are so so right about facing one’s fears. That is exactly what I did 5 years ago by putting myself in an environment that is completely different from where I grew up. And body image is just a… let’s say a never-ending debatable topic. I am planning to write a post about that soon actually. Anyways, you are so brave to continually put yourself out there to get over your fears and to achieve the level of confidence that is necessary to be a successful blogger like yourself. I seriously admire you for this reason. Loved reading this post <33
SamjahAugust 16, 2017 at 4:39 am
Thomas you are so inspiring. I really appreciate your blog posts. I love that you’ve built your confidence and are encouraging others to do so. It is hard putting ourselves out there everyday but by doing so, we encourage others to shine their lights.
By the way, your boxers and robe combo is too cute!!
ToyosiAugust 16, 2017 at 7:06 am
I am totally in love with your writing style Thomas !!!Every bit of this post resonates and just reminds me of what I always say to people who struggle with rejection -Love and accept yourself ,give love to the world and eventually love will find its way to you though maybe not immediate but it will!!!!Thank you for being so open and vulnerable about your own struggles too!!!!i am truly inspired!!
ShereeAugust 16, 2017 at 9:42 am
Thomas, I really appreciate your candor on bring up self image and confidence. Everyone has that little uncertainty when it comes to their body and no one seems to be perfect, not even top paying “Victoria’s Secret” models. You were so brave to showcase what you’ve got to half of Manhattan and all of us readers, it means that you are truly comfortable in your own skin. Confidence is something both self taught and also faked. “Fake it til you make it” baby and I’m so inspired by you.
Luke RossAugust 16, 2017 at 2:17 pm
Never change Thomas, I love the boldness and bravery of this piece, I don’t think I could do it!
JoAugust 16, 2017 at 4:16 pm
I admire you braveness and confidence in so many ways and appreciate this blog post very much. You’ve coached me so much about how to be confident and not worry too much what others think of you. Thank you so much for writing this beautiful piece to inspire me even more. These series of sunset images are absolutely stunning (wish I were there to witness the face impression on New York cops haha). Always stay true to yourself my dear friend as that’s we love about you.
Aleksandra LadyginAugust 16, 2017 at 7:07 pm
Omg truly amazing and ispiring! And you are right, accept yourself and your body for who you are it is very important. But i think you do it perfectly!!!
owenAugust 16, 2017 at 7:44 pm
This 8s great and put a smile on my face,its alot of pressure trying to fit to society bit it is great how you encourage people to be who they are.Thats a whole way to be confident.
JoAugust 16, 2017 at 8:20 pm
What a gorgeous shoot! I love how unabashed these photos are!
JoAugust 16, 2017 at 8:25 pm
What a gorgeous shoot! I love how unabashed and uninhibited these photos are! The golden hour sunset certainly adds to the beauty and the peaceful vibes. I also love how you’ve connected self-confidence with inner peace because I definitely equate the two as one and the same. A quiet inner peace where I’m completely happy in all my decisions and where I am in life is the self-confidence that I strive for everyday.
CocoAugust 16, 2017 at 9:06 pm
When I saw this picture on Instagram I was wondering what you had in mind and now it’s totally clear. It’s another challenge, another way to put yourself out there and gauge your self confidence. Saying that you look handsome and what you consider flaws are actually your hypes won’t change the way you see yourself. Like men’s compliments don’t increase my self confidence, since I see so many things that I don’t like about myself. As you say, the key to self confidence is self acceptance, besides doing what’s in our power to improve our body and mind. I can’t wait to see your pictures from Mykonos!! Love, Valeria
AimaraAugust 16, 2017 at 11:24 pm
Love these photos and this post Tom. I relate to it a lot.
I used to have a super low self-esteem, but now that I’m older, even though I don’t look necessarily better than what I looked 5-10 years ago, I feel super confident and I’ve been able to find the same balance you have; feeling good in your own skin but without being cocky.
I think the better I feel, the more I want to help others to feel the same way and it didn’t use to be this way when I was insecure, which makes sense..
Anyways, thanks for sharing!!! I think you’re amazing and you look great! I’m obsessed with these pics!
MegAugust 17, 2017 at 2:45 am
These are such amazing tips! So many people struggle with confidence. I know I sure did for most of my life. This is something that everyone should read!
Suzanne SpiegoskiAugust 17, 2017 at 3:20 am
I’m glad you’re speaking up, Thomas. We all go through insecurities but I feel the more we reach out and talk about it, the better we can make of the situation. Keep doing you! xo, Suzanne
Scott McGlashanAugust 17, 2017 at 5:57 am
Great blogpost Thomas ! Something which I can relate too! Well done on putting yourself out there x
BerniceAugust 17, 2017 at 6:22 am
Self love, and self acceptance is definitely the path to confidence. Once we accept who we are, and love what we are we achieve true confidence because it’s real. Being nice to everyone is an extension of self love because if you love yourself, you don’t feel the need to put down others to feel a sense of superiority.
Bernice | IG @Bunnybernice
New Post: https://www.bunnybernice.com/single-post/2017/08/15/How-To-Handle-Stress-in-Four-Steps
Lisa-JaneAugust 17, 2017 at 8:42 am
I LOVE this post – thank you so much for your honesty. I agree with everything you wrote and am glad you are being honest about male body confidence and body dysmorphia among men. I have worked with several male clients in the past suffering from the same thing and it breaks my heart that people think this issue only affects women. Thanks for helping to raise awareness.
You look incredible in these shots and I agree – a smile can be enough to change someone’s day, and having the power to do that is one of the most empowering things in the world x
CaitlinAugust 17, 2017 at 2:11 pm
Love your message of positivity and self acceptance! Very brave of you to put yourself out there and be so honest.
Ashley ZealAugust 17, 2017 at 2:15 pm
I love all of these tips!!!
Iliana GarciaAugust 17, 2017 at 3:39 pm
YES YES YES YES!!! I’m loving everything about this post 🙂
It’s so good to virtually see you again Thomas. It makes me so happy that every time I visit your blog and read you’re post you keep getting better and better. I love that you’re so confident and please spill the beans on your secrets! Can’t wait to see more 🙂
Iliana | http://www.sophisticatedfashionista.com
Open KlosetAugust 17, 2017 at 3:52 pm
Agree with you, Facing our Fears is the Right way and its not Easy but Worth it.
The Reason why People are not confident because of “Fears”
This is why we have to Face it:)
Amazing Post as Always;)
Loved the Style Of the Photos, different but In a Good Way:)
And Loved your Bag:)
Open Kloset By Karina
michennAugust 17, 2017 at 4:07 pm
Awww I love this post. Being confident in yourself and your body is almost like, a lifelong process. There are days when I’m super confident and I feel amazing and days when I feel horrible about myself. You look great and I love the raincoat on you!
Christine KongAugust 17, 2017 at 4:33 pm
I love these shots! You exude confidence even if there are times you don’t feel like you are. Everyone has their fears and are their own harshest critics but I think if we own and accept our flaws we can be more confident in who we are. I admire you for taking this challenge and putting yourself out there (literally). You are one brave soul in many ways and I applaud your confidence and your inspiring ways! xoxo, Christine
LanaAugust 17, 2017 at 4:49 pm
“Focusing on problems won’t take you anywhere, focusing on solutions will.” – what a wise words. I also believe in karma and I believe that if you give a lot, someday it will come back to you. This is the law of Universe.
It is the most difficult thing to face our fears, but also the most powerful one. If you sit inside you cage life will going on all around you and you definitely miss it out.
Stephanie KonkleAugust 17, 2017 at 6:17 pm
So inspiring! There are days where I don’t feel super confident as well and can totally relate.
So important to face our fears!
BryannaAugust 17, 2017 at 6:32 pm
YASSSS Thomas! You tell em! I struggle with being shy, and I wish I never had it in me. Every time I go to a blogging event, I face my fears. It sounds ridiculous, but you are so true. I mean what would you do if you weren’t scared? It’s crazy to think, and you took manners into your own hands. You look absolutely amazing Thomas, and thanks so much for sharing this with us!
JenAugust 18, 2017 at 5:42 am
I agree that accepting who you are is the key to confidence. You can always better yourself but if you don’t put yourself out there in fear of judgement, I think you’ve lost the confidence battle. There will always be naysayers and trolls, but it’s important to have a close group of people who love you and who you can trust. You look amazing and have nothing to be self conscious about! I want a robe like that. It looks so comfy and warm, perfect for winter.
LAFOTKAAugust 18, 2017 at 9:00 am
Such a brilliant post! Loved the fact that you remind everyone that it’s not just ladies who struggle with body issues. Every man I know (apart from my dad as he never speaks about his feelings or body haha) is always complaining about their body. Same as women. Absolutely spot on – solutions will take us places and not focusing on issues! AMAZING post and love that you’re so easy-going on the streets almost butt naked 😉 Looking great!
AzaniqueAugust 18, 2017 at 2:50 pm
Such a show stopper! I love how confident you look. Work it!
– xo, Azanique | http://www.lotsofsass.com
StephanieAugust 18, 2017 at 3:30 pm
I don’t think I will ever be more grateful for a blogger being in my life, than I am for you! Your confidence inspires me, and your courage is something that even pushes me outside my comfort zones. I constantly mention you and your stories to my family and fiancé. It’s so cool to see someone be so vulnerable and reveal so much about themselves (in their heart and externally haha). Thank you for that. I aspire to be as awesome as you someday!
IsabelAugust 18, 2017 at 11:51 pm
Love every single word of this post! You just can’t imagine how this makes sense to me, right now, in this moment of my life.
I think that confidence cames with age too. I remember when I was younger and was always concerned about what other people could think of me or my style. Nowadays, I just know who I am and what I want.
But( there’s always a but…) I have to confess that I still have several issues with my body and I’m always trying to push myself a little bit more in order to look better…
Thank you for the inspiration, you always know how to reach your readers! Love your blog so much, I hope you keep blogging forever!!!!
Sweet as fictionAugust 19, 2017 at 12:59 am
You get ’em! I literally could not help but smile while I read your whole post. You are fearless my friend. It takes guts to admit that even men have insecurities since it’s such a topic that is RARELY discussed and not to mention pose in robe and boxers in the city and not giving AF! Keep doing you and being you. Can’t wait to see your next post 🙂
Sweet as Fiction xx
Deddeh HowardAugust 19, 2017 at 7:38 am
What a great post Thomas, to be honest, I think we all still struggle with body issues on different levels. It took me awhile to accept my body, now that I do, I feel confident and I’m so happy to see you doing the same.
RametidriziAugust 19, 2017 at 12:23 pm
I admire you braveness and confidence in so many ways and appreciate this blog post very much. You’ve coached me so much about how to be confident and not worry too much what others think of you.
CandaceAugust 19, 2017 at 4:49 pm
LOL I’ve rarely seen you smile, though I do know it’s in there somewhere, based on the positivity you always express in your posts. Like yourself, I have also learned to accept my body the way it is and also like you, I still continue to work to make it better, while still eating 🙂 There is nothing more sexier than confidence. That robe looks so comfy too!
GracieAugust 19, 2017 at 6:46 pm
Thomas you always look great. You should never ever feel inferior to anything. Just being out in your boxers and robe takes a lot of confidence. I always enjoy reading your posts.
Rachael SiaAugust 20, 2017 at 4:48 am
Wow this post is just great i loved everything about it. Also, always be confident and know that you are rocking it! 🙂
DomAugust 21, 2017 at 1:16 am
Hello my dear brother. Have I told you lately how inspiring you are? No? Well i’m telling you now. This post couldn’t come at a better time. In a world were people are constantly being brought down for how they look, you come around and tell us how it is. This post along with the shots are powerful and all I can say is… my brother Tommy is a BADASS! Keep on speaking the truth and evoking the confidence we need.
Life of a SisterAugust 21, 2017 at 5:10 am
I so admire you and this post, way to be YOU! You are amazing…keep it up!
Sharon WuAugust 21, 2017 at 3:55 pm
Thomas! I love this blog post you’ve written! I’ve actually just finished a book called “52 Ways to Love Your Body” by Kimber Simpkins (it’s sooo good — when I get some extra time I’d love to share my thoughts on it on a blog post) and felt that your blog post came at the perfect timing haha. As much as I love my body, I definitely have my days where I look at myself in the mirror and feel “blah.” I think that wearing clothes that flatter my frame really help me feel confident though. It’s all about the right fit! You totally look super toned and are rocking this look. I need your workout regimen! 😉 xo, sharon
KeymaAugust 22, 2017 at 3:50 am
You’re always so inspiring and this post is no exception. I thinkwe all strugglenwith body issues. Even at my best sometimes I see where I can improve. Nonetheless, you look great
samiraAugust 22, 2017 at 4:52 am
Such an inspiring and touching post Thomas. Thanks for sharing this and opening up to us. It definitely is not just females who can struggle with body issues, but men as well and it is important to acknowledge that! You look so great and fit though 🙂
marcySeptember 6, 2017 at 5:56 pm
You are absolutely right Thomas!! Male and females are equally the same to suffer of confidence but we tent to see it now days in women. I have to say when I was a teenager I suffered a lot of this problem. Facing your fears is such a great way to gain confidence and challenge yourself by putting you out there. Such a great post and keep the great content as always!!
Theo MichaelNovember 5, 2017 at 6:43 pm
Yaas! I like all these pictures! I would like to be like you to have this confidence to take some photos in the center of my town with my underwears!
Comments are closed.