Blog posts

How to be confident

How to be confident

Fashion

This is not going to be a step-by-step guide in how you can gain confidence within matter of minutes. To be honest, all those are crap, although there are some truths in them. There are no shortcuts to happiness, becoming rich, successful, or as in this case, confident.

Let me start off by saying that I am still struggling with body issues and am not at all confident when I look in the mirror. One thing that does annoy me is that women think they are the only ones who have pressure from media and society to look a certain way. My dear female readers, take a look at any catalogue, billboard ad or magazine and look at the men in those. They’re most probably perfectly toned, have perfect abs as well as a perfect jawline and chin bones. I work in an industry surrounded by stunning people and often feel like I’m the ugly duckling among them. That is, if I let it get to me.

It takes a lot of practice to actually accept yourself and your body for who you are and what it is. Me walking semi-nude on the streets on Manhattan was not in my wildest dreams a while ago and flaunting it to all you readers out there most certainly was not even an option. By time I however have come to accept my body as it is and despite the fact that I’m still working on it to become better, both for health reasons as well as pure aesthetics, I’m quite ok with what I have now and don’t feel all too ashamed to flaunt it out there openly although a few cops in New York didn’t quite agree, but I just closed my robe and that problem was solved quite easily…

I still don’t have an answer to how I got from hiding to being ever so confident. I’m not only talking about my body. My self confidence is rocketing sky high, without compromising on the fact of always being humble and nice to everyone. I’m not cocky, but I am out there. In every single way. I’m putting myself out for dissection every single day and it takes a while every night to put the pieces back together, but it’s totally worth it. Only by deconstructing and reconstructing yourself constantly you can achieve peace with yourself.

That inner peace comes across as self confidence which in its turn will attract people to you, whether it is in terms of friends, love or business. Focusing on problems won’t take you anywhere, focusing on solutions will.

The lesson to be learned from this is really just one. Face your fears. Put yourself out there and the world will welcome you. Perhaps not always with open arms, it might even welcome you with a slap in the face at times, but eventually karma bites back and what you give, you get back. I’m giving. All the time. Immensely. What is important to remember is that the person or thing you give of yourself to doesn’t necessarily have to be the source of reimbursement, but due to laws of karma, universe will pay you back in one way or another. I’ve personally experienced all that.

The robe and the boxers that I’m wearing are from Ron Dorff, a company with origins in both Stockholm and Paris and their take on clothing, swimwear, underwear and what not is that it should be luxurious, elegant, subtle, yet with a twist. When they handed me over these pieces in Paris, I’m not sure they quite had a photo shoot like this in mind, but they have no idea what they actually ventured into when they’ll see my pictures from Mykonos later this year, haha.

To end this golden hour shoot and text about confidence I do urge you to smile every once in a while. I smile all day long, despite the fact that it might be hard to believe from my pictures I’m putting out here. Pass a smile on to someone and the world will smile back at you. I promise!

Photographer: Kyra Ross

52 Comments

  1. Cristofer
    Tuesday August 15th, 2017 at 11:31 PM
    Reply

    The world smiles back. With much love and admiration for someone who faced his fears.
    There is no limit, no goals you will not reach.
    The world is at your feet.

  2. Mariann yip
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 12:21 AM
    Reply

    This blog post makes me so happy because you know how I feel about confidence. I wasn’t always confident in myself either but I think faking it till you make it really helps because eventually you end up just believing in it. In no ways do I think you come off cocky but like you said it’s all about putting yourself out there. Your energy and outlook on life is what I truly admire and know that’s why I know we’ll get along 🙂

  3. Jennifer Quattrucci
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 12:21 AM
    Reply

    Thank you so much for this and at just the right time!! I was actually about to delete a couple hundred pictures from my feed earlier today and quite possibly give up the fashion blogging. Not just because of lack of confidence but a whole bunch of reasons. I love how you talk about putting yourself out there and trusting in karma. I have to agree and keep on smiling! As for the bix

  4. Jennifer Quattrucci
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 12:25 AM
    Reply

    My comment got cut off!!

    As for the boxers and robe they are exceptional and I checked out the complete line over at Ron Dorff and it’s all amazing!
    Thank you so much for another beautiful and inspiring post! Can’t wait to see more, especially the Mykonos shoot!!
    Love always,
    ( Your) Jenny

  5. Kamen Kamenov
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 12:27 AM
    Reply

    Hey babe… here i can only tell you one of my fave quotes: ”Smile! It confuses people!”
    I can see so much of me in that blog post, that it is almost creepy in a way! I think you and I had the same thoughts these past days since my new blog post is somehow connected with so much you are saying.
    I really loved how you say that you put yourself for a dissection and put the pieces back together every evening… there is so much thought and truth to that, but also tragedy and love. This is the post that i admire the most….PS i admire them all. U look great, inside and out. And that bathrobe is cool too, but who is watching the robe when there is so much more to see.
    Have a great day and stay that way

  6. amanda
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 01:32 AM
    Reply

    So, I love your outfit. lol But seriously your robe is great! Snaps for you for doing this in NY on busy streets none the less. You are so right. Men deal with the same body issues women do. It can be tough for sure. My early twenties I was confident (honestly too confident) then I had babies and had to go through the process of learning confidence again and being okay with my body. Here at 28 I feel rested in that. For me even more than looks, I feel like confidence is being accepting of you are in all facets! There is so much truth in everything you’ve just said!

    Manda | EvocativelyChosen.com

  7. Gina Diaz
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 02:04 AM
    Reply

    You always are so inspiring with your post! this definitely applies to me and challenges me to face my fears in every single way. My favorite line from the post is focusing on solutions. Yes, this is the key! love the boxers and robe you are wearing. And also, the shots at the golden hour in NYC. Love to smile every time I can :)))

    xx. Gina

  8. Anthony @oh_anthonio
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 03:28 AM
    Reply

    Loving the body positivity and confidence you preach and possess in this post! It takes a lot of guts and you have them!

  9. Samantha Mariko
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 04:06 AM
    Reply

    You are so so right about facing one’s fears. That is exactly what I did 5 years ago by putting myself in an environment that is completely different from where I grew up. And body image is just a… let’s say a never-ending debatable topic. I am planning to write a post about that soon actually. Anyways, you are so brave to continually put yourself out there to get over your fears and to achieve the level of confidence that is necessary to be a successful blogger like yourself. I seriously admire you for this reason. Loved reading this post <33
    Samantha

  10. Samjah
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 04:39 AM
    Reply

    Thomas you are so inspiring. I really appreciate your blog posts. I love that you’ve built your confidence and are encouraging others to do so. It is hard putting ourselves out there everyday but by doing so, we encourage others to shine their lights.

    By the way, your boxers and robe combo is too cute!!

  11. Toyosi
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 07:06 AM
    Reply

    I am totally in love with your writing style Thomas !!!Every bit of this post resonates and just reminds me of what I always say to people who struggle with rejection -Love and accept yourself ,give love to the world and eventually love will find its way to you though maybe not immediate but it will!!!!Thank you for being so open and vulnerable about your own struggles too!!!!i am truly inspired!!

    http://toyosigregoryjonah.com/blogger-collaboration-going-green-ft-godwinwi/

  12. Sheree
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 09:42 AM
    Reply

    Thomas, I really appreciate your candor on bring up self image and confidence. Everyone has that little uncertainty when it comes to their body and no one seems to be perfect, not even top paying “Victoria’s Secret” models. You were so brave to showcase what you’ve got to half of Manhattan and all of us readers, it means that you are truly comfortable in your own skin. Confidence is something both self taught and also faked. “Fake it til you make it” baby and I’m so inspired by you.

    xo Sheree
    PoshClassyMom.com

  13. Luke Ross
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 02:17 PM
    Reply

    Never change Thomas, I love the boldness and bravery of this piece, I don’t think I could do it!

  14. Jo
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 04:16 PM
    Reply

    I admire you braveness and confidence in so many ways and appreciate this blog post very much. You’ve coached me so much about how to be confident and not worry too much what others think of you. Thank you so much for writing this beautiful piece to inspire me even more. These series of sunset images are absolutely stunning (wish I were there to witness the face impression on New York cops haha). Always stay true to yourself my dear friend as that’s we love about you.

    Love,
    Jo

  15. Aleksandra Ladygin
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 07:07 PM
    Reply

    Omg truly amazing and ispiring! And you are right, accept yourself and your body for who you are it is very important. But i think you do it perfectly!!!

  16. owen
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 07:44 PM
    Reply

    This 8s great and put a smile on my face,its alot of pressure trying to fit to society bit it is great how you encourage people to be who they are.Thats a whole way to be confident.

  17. Jo
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 08:20 PM
    Reply

    What a gorgeous shoot! I love how unabashed these photos are!

  18. Jo
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 08:25 PM
    Reply

    What a gorgeous shoot! I love how unabashed and uninhibited these photos are! The golden hour sunset certainly adds to the beauty and the peaceful vibes. I also love how you’ve connected self-confidence with inner peace because I definitely equate the two as one and the same. A quiet inner peace where I’m completely happy in all my decisions and where I am in life is the self-confidence that I strive for everyday.

    xo, Jo

  19. Coco
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 09:06 PM
    Reply

    When I saw this picture on Instagram I was wondering what you had in mind and now it’s totally clear. It’s another challenge, another way to put yourself out there and gauge your self confidence. Saying that you look handsome and what you consider flaws are actually your hypes won’t change the way you see yourself. Like men’s compliments don’t increase my self confidence, since I see so many things that I don’t like about myself. As you say, the key to self confidence is self acceptance, besides doing what’s in our power to improve our body and mind. I can’t wait to see your pictures from Mykonos!! Love, Valeria

  20. Aimara
    Wednesday August 16th, 2017 at 11:24 PM
    Reply

    Love these photos and this post Tom. I relate to it a lot.
    I used to have a super low self-esteem, but now that I’m older, even though I don’t look necessarily better than what I looked 5-10 years ago, I feel super confident and I’ve been able to find the same balance you have; feeling good in your own skin but without being cocky.
    I think the better I feel, the more I want to help others to feel the same way and it didn’t use to be this way when I was insecure, which makes sense..
    Anyways, thanks for sharing!!! I think you’re amazing and you look great! I’m obsessed with these pics!
    XO
    Aimara
    http://www.waysofstyle.com

  21. Meg
    Thursday August 17th, 2017 at 02:45 AM
    Reply

    These are such amazing tips! So many people struggle with confidence. I know I sure did for most of my life. This is something that everyone should read!

  22. Suzanne Spiegoski
    Thursday August 17th, 2017 at 03:20 AM
    Reply

    I’m glad you’re speaking up, Thomas. We all go through insecurities but I feel the more we reach out and talk about it, the better we can make of the situation. Keep doing you! xo, Suzanne

  23. Scott McGlashan
    Thursday August 17th, 2017 at 05:57 AM
    Reply

    Great blogpost Thomas ! Something which I can relate too! Well done on putting yourself out there x

  24. Bernice
    Thursday August 17th, 2017 at 06:22 AM
    Reply

    Self love, and self acceptance is definitely the path to confidence. Once we accept who we are, and love what we are we achieve true confidence because it’s real. Being nice to everyone is an extension of self love because if you love yourself, you don’t feel the need to put down others to feel a sense of superiority.

    Bernice | IG @Bunnybernice
    New Post: https://www.bunnybernice.com/single-post/2017/08/15/How-To-Handle-Stress-in-Four-Steps

  25. Lisa-Jane
    Thursday August 17th, 2017 at 08:42 AM
    Reply

    I LOVE this post – thank you so much for your honesty. I agree with everything you wrote and am glad you are being honest about male body confidence and body dysmorphia among men. I have worked with several male clients in the past suffering from the same thing and it breaks my heart that people think this issue only affects women. Thanks for helping to raise awareness.
    You look incredible in these shots and I agree – a smile can be enough to change someone’s day, and having the power to do that is one of the most empowering things in the world x

  26. Caitlin
    Thursday August 17th, 2017 at 02:11 PM
    Reply

    Love your message of positivity and self acceptance! Very brave of you to put yourself out there and be so honest.

  27. Ashley Zeal
    Thursday August 17th, 2017 at 02:15 PM
    Reply

    I love all of these tips!!!

  28. Iliana Garcia
    Thursday August 17th, 2017 at 03:39 PM
    Reply

    YES YES YES YES!!! I’m loving everything about this post 🙂

    It’s so good to virtually see you again Thomas. It makes me so happy that every time I visit your blog and read you’re post you keep getting better and better. I love that you’re so confident and please spill the beans on your secrets! Can’t wait to see more 🙂

    xx,
    Iliana | http://www.sophisticatedfashionista.com

  29. Open Kloset
    Thursday August 17th, 2017 at 03:52 PM
    Reply

    Darling
    Agree with you, Facing our Fears is the Right way and its not Easy but Worth it.
    The Reason why People are not confident because of “Fears”
    This is why we have to Face it:)
    Amazing Post as Always;)
    Loved the Style Of the Photos, different but In a Good Way:)
    And Loved your Bag:)
    Love Kisses
    Open Kloset By Karina

  30. michenn
    Thursday August 17th, 2017 at 04:07 PM
    Reply

    Awww I love this post. Being confident in yourself and your body is almost like, a lifelong process. There are days when I’m super confident and I feel amazing and days when I feel horrible about myself. You look great and I love the raincoat on you!

  31. Christine Kong
    Thursday August 17th, 2017 at 04:33 PM
    Reply

    I love these shots! You exude confidence even if there are times you don’t feel like you are. Everyone has their fears and are their own harshest critics but I think if we own and accept our flaws we can be more confident in who we are. I admire you for taking this challenge and putting yourself out there (literally). You are one brave soul in many ways and I applaud your confidence and your inspiring ways! xoxo, Christine
    http://dailykongfidence.com/

  32. Lana
    Thursday August 17th, 2017 at 04:49 PM
    Reply

    “Focusing on problems won’t take you anywhere, focusing on solutions will.” – what a wise words. I also believe in karma and I believe that if you give a lot, someday it will come back to you. This is the law of Universe.
    It is the most difficult thing to face our fears, but also the most powerful one. If you sit inside you cage life will going on all around you and you definitely miss it out.

    http://lanaluu.com

  33. Stephanie Konkle
    Thursday August 17th, 2017 at 06:17 PM
    Reply

    So inspiring! There are days where I don’t feel super confident as well and can totally relate.
    So important to face our fears!

    xo, Steph
    http://www.urbanblonde.com

  34. Bryanna
    Thursday August 17th, 2017 at 06:32 PM
    Reply

    YASSSS Thomas! You tell em! I struggle with being shy, and I wish I never had it in me. Every time I go to a blogging event, I face my fears. It sounds ridiculous, but you are so true. I mean what would you do if you weren’t scared? It’s crazy to think, and you took manners into your own hands. You look absolutely amazing Thomas, and thanks so much for sharing this with us!

    xoxo Bryanna

  35. Jen
    Friday August 18th, 2017 at 05:42 AM
    Reply

    I agree that accepting who you are is the key to confidence. You can always better yourself but if you don’t put yourself out there in fear of judgement, I think you’ve lost the confidence battle. There will always be naysayers and trolls, but it’s important to have a close group of people who love you and who you can trust. You look amazing and have nothing to be self conscious about! I want a robe like that. It looks so comfy and warm, perfect for winter.

  36. LAFOTKA
    Friday August 18th, 2017 at 09:00 AM
    Reply

    Such a brilliant post! Loved the fact that you remind everyone that it’s not just ladies who struggle with body issues. Every man I know (apart from my dad as he never speaks about his feelings or body haha) is always complaining about their body. Same as women. Absolutely spot on – solutions will take us places and not focusing on issues! AMAZING post and love that you’re so easy-going on the streets almost butt naked 😉 Looking great!

    Tatyana x
    LAFOTKA

  37. Azanique
    Friday August 18th, 2017 at 02:50 PM
    Reply

    Such a show stopper! I love how confident you look. Work it!

    – xo, Azanique | http://www.lotsofsass.com

  38. Stephanie
    Friday August 18th, 2017 at 03:30 PM
    Reply

    I don’t think I will ever be more grateful for a blogger being in my life, than I am for you! Your confidence inspires me, and your courage is something that even pushes me outside my comfort zones. I constantly mention you and your stories to my family and fiancé. It’s so cool to see someone be so vulnerable and reveal so much about themselves (in their heart and externally haha). Thank you for that. I aspire to be as awesome as you someday!

  39. Isabel
    Friday August 18th, 2017 at 11:51 PM
    Reply

    Love every single word of this post! You just can’t imagine how this makes sense to me, right now, in this moment of my life.
    I think that confidence cames with age too. I remember when I was younger and was always concerned about what other people could think of me or my style. Nowadays, I just know who I am and what I want.
    But( there’s always a but…) I have to confess that I still have several issues with my body and I’m always trying to push myself a little bit more in order to look better…
    Thank you for the inspiration, you always know how to reach your readers! Love your blog so much, I hope you keep blogging forever!!!!
    Xoxo,
    Isabel

  40. Sweet as fiction
    Saturday August 19th, 2017 at 12:59 AM
    Reply

    You get ’em! I literally could not help but smile while I read your whole post. You are fearless my friend. It takes guts to admit that even men have insecurities since it’s such a topic that is RARELY discussed and not to mention pose in robe and boxers in the city and not giving AF! Keep doing you and being you. Can’t wait to see your next post 🙂

    Sweet as Fiction xx
    http://www.sweetasfiction.com

  41. Deddeh Howard
    Saturday August 19th, 2017 at 07:38 AM
    Reply

    What a great post Thomas, to be honest, I think we all still struggle with body issues on different levels. It took me awhile to accept my body, now that I do, I feel confident and I’m so happy to see you doing the same.

  42. Rametidrizi
    Saturday August 19th, 2017 at 12:23 PM
    Reply

    I admire you braveness and confidence in so many ways and appreciate this blog post very much. You’ve coached me so much about how to be confident and not worry too much what others think of you.

  43. Candace
    Saturday August 19th, 2017 at 04:49 PM
    Reply

    LOL I’ve rarely seen you smile, though I do know it’s in there somewhere, based on the positivity you always express in your posts. Like yourself, I have also learned to accept my body the way it is and also like you, I still continue to work to make it better, while still eating 🙂 There is nothing more sexier than confidence. That robe looks so comfy too!

    http://www.thebeautybeau.com

  44. Gracie
    Saturday August 19th, 2017 at 06:46 PM
    Reply

    Thomas you always look great. You should never ever feel inferior to anything. Just being out in your boxers and robe takes a lot of confidence. I always enjoy reading your posts.

    Xxgracie

    snappedbygracie.com

  45. Rachael Sia
    Sunday August 20th, 2017 at 04:48 AM
    Reply

    Wow this post is just great i loved everything about it. Also, always be confident and know that you are rocking it! 🙂
    xx
    Ray
    http://www.yourbaeray.com

  46. Dom
    Monday August 21st, 2017 at 01:16 AM
    Reply

    Hello my dear brother. Have I told you lately how inspiring you are? No? Well i’m telling you now. This post couldn’t come at a better time. In a world were people are constantly being brought down for how they look, you come around and tell us how it is. This post along with the shots are powerful and all I can say is… my brother Tommy is a BADASS! Keep on speaking the truth and evoking the confidence we need.
    Love you,
    Dom

  47. Life of a Sister
    Monday August 21st, 2017 at 05:10 AM
    Reply

    I so admire you and this post, way to be YOU! You are amazing…keep it up!

  48. Sharon Wu
    Monday August 21st, 2017 at 03:55 PM
    Reply

    Thomas! I love this blog post you’ve written! I’ve actually just finished a book called “52 Ways to Love Your Body” by Kimber Simpkins (it’s sooo good — when I get some extra time I’d love to share my thoughts on it on a blog post) and felt that your blog post came at the perfect timing haha. As much as I love my body, I definitely have my days where I look at myself in the mirror and feel “blah.” I think that wearing clothes that flatter my frame really help me feel confident though. It’s all about the right fit! You totally look super toned and are rocking this look. I need your workout regimen! 😉 xo, sharon

    http://www.stylelullaby.com/beauty/latest-beauty-must-have-clarins-double-serum/

  49. Keyma
    Tuesday August 22nd, 2017 at 03:50 AM
    Reply

    You’re always so inspiring and this post is no exception. I thinkwe all strugglenwith body issues. Even at my best sometimes I see where I can improve. Nonetheless, you look great

  50. samira
    Tuesday August 22nd, 2017 at 04:52 AM
    Reply

    Such an inspiring and touching post Thomas. Thanks for sharing this and opening up to us. It definitely is not just females who can struggle with body issues, but men as well and it is important to acknowledge that! You look so great and fit though 🙂

    xo Samira
    http://www.leathertolunch.com

  51. marcy
    Wednesday September 6th, 2017 at 05:56 PM
    Reply

    You are absolutely right Thomas!! Male and females are equally the same to suffer of confidence but we tent to see it now days in women. I have to say when I was a teenager I suffered a lot of this problem. Facing your fears is such a great way to gain confidence and challenge yourself by putting you out there. Such a great post and keep the great content as always!!

    xoxo
    Marcy

  52. Theo Michael
    Sunday November 5th, 2017 at 06:43 PM
    Reply

    Yaas! I like all these pictures! I would like to be like you to have this confidence to take some photos in the center of my town with my underwears!

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